I remember back in high school and college, most of my friends were always in relationships. They always had someone to snuggle up with on those long, post weekend, bus rides. They had their summer camp evenings pretty well planned out. When they broke up it didn’t take them long to get back into another relationship. Most of them ended up getting married soon after college to the man or woman they were dating at the time. They understood how to succeed at the relationship game. I didn’t for the longest time. I had my share of opportunities, but none of those women were ever good enough for me, in my mind. I was looking for my perfect vision of true love, just like I saw in the movies. My friends were looking for men or women whom they liked and were attracted to. That wasn’t such a tough objective to achieve. My goal on the other hand was almost impossible. So they spent their time enjoying being in relationships, and eventually marriages, and I spent my time searching for the right one.
When I did finally get lucky and meet someone who seemed to hit my jackpot, which happened every few years, I would eventually end up breaking off the relationship because things weren’t as perfect as I thought they should be. That same search for perfection that kept me from forming relationships succeeded at getting me out of the few I was actually able to be in. In other words, not only did I not know how to create a relationship, I also didn’t know how to stay in one. I eventually made it there, and learned a lot along the way. You can make it there to, if you follow these tips:
1. Decide that you want to be in a relationship more than you want perfection.
As much as they gripe about it, lots of people (mostly guys), really don’t mind being alone and searching for their fantasy partner. They have their moments of loneliness and remorse, but most of the time they’re happy to be on their own and free to do what they please. Unless you feel a real need to be in a relationship, you won’t make the effort necessary to create one. The longer you remain single, the more comfortable you get being on your own, and the more difficult it becomes to get into a relationship. If you want to be in a relationship you need to decide, here and now, that you do not want to be alone anymore. You want to be a WE, not a ME, and are prepared to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
2. Find someone you like and are attracted to.
You know that they’re out there. You might be friends with some of them already. You see them around the neighborhood. You’ve considered dating them but something always holds you back. They’re not the person you dreamed of being with. But if you like them and find them attractive, and you want to be in a relationship, then make it happen. Go out with them and fall in relationship. Don’t continue looking for someone better. Give it your best shot with the person you have now. If it ends up not working, you can always go back to your search. My old high school and college buddies were smart enough to realize this. They weren’t always dating the most beautiful people, but they were always to attracted to their partners and ended up having the times of their lives. You know why? (read on)
3. Love grows.
It’s a fact. The more time you spend with someone the stronger the feelings you have for them become. Love doesn’t happen at first site. That’s called infatuation. Love grows. Sure it needs a solid foundation but then it needs lots of nurturing and effort. Relationships take work and compromise. But if you put the effort in you are pretty much guaranteed results. Ask your married friends.
So if you’re tired of searching and waiting, and you don’t want to spend any more time alone, find that person who can be in a relationship with, and make it happen. I know it’s not easy, but it’s not that difficult either once you firmly decided that it’s what you want to do.
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