If you’re single and live in the NY area you probably are aware of the UWS singles gathering that will be taking place in a few days. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you haven’t been doing your dating due diligence. Each year thousands of Jewish singles (mostly Orthodox) congregate on the UWS of Manhattan to celebrate the holiday of Simchas Torah and to hopefully meet their “bashert”. Lot’s of veteran singles, and even some newbies, knock the Simchas Torah scene, but in my opinion, they’re wrong. If you are seriously seeking your soulmate, why in the world would you not want to be in a place where you could potentially meet, or at least screen, hundreds of potentials.
Here’s some advice that I hope with make finding your soulmate a bit more productive this upcoming holiday weekend:
1. If you notice someone you’re interested in, meet them asap. Don’t spend the entire weekend fantasizing about them and pining for them. You might be wasting precious time and energy because they might either be unavailable, uninterested, or not at all who you hoped and projected that they were. So either go over to them or ask someone else to introduce you, but do it asap so you don’t spin your wheels for nothing. Read more about this here and here.
2. Make sure the person you’re interested in spending time with is available and interested in dating you. I remember one Simchas Torah many years ago, standing outside one of the popular UWS gathering points and speaking to a girl who I had just met and was really interested in. We spoke for quite a while as the crowd began to thin and the hour grew late. The conversation was amazing. She was totally into it. Great, right?
The common plan of action at this point would be to say good night and hope to continue the following day and eventually ask her out (fyi: using cellphones or writing is religiously prohibited on the holiday, which is why getting her number on the spot was not an option). But I didn’t want to go to bed with unrealistically high hopes, so I just asked her right there if she was interested in dating me. She said that she would be but that she was currently involved with someone, or something like that. Yes I was disappointed, but at least I saved a heck of a lot of time and energy. If you’re interested in someone and you think they’re interested in you, either ask them out or ask them if they are interested in you. They either are or aren’t. If they are, fantastic. If they’re not, MOVE ON.
3. If you’ve found someone you’re interested in and they are interested in you too, DO NOT FOLLOW THEM AROUND OR STALK THEM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEKEND. Give them space. They’re interested in you. They’ve told you that. They still will be in a day or two. In fact, they’ll be even more interested if you don’t smother them. That doesn’t mean you should ignore them or avoid them like the plague. Of course not. Just let things happen naturally. RELAX. If they choose to chat with other people, then go somewhere else and keep busy. Don’t try to monopolize their time or prevent them from socializing with other people, unless you want to totally blow it and be known forevermore as a nudnick, putz, jerk, stalker, psycho, fatal attraction wannabee.
4. There’s nothing wrong with meeting and connecting with a few different potential mates. You never know which of them will end up meeting someone else, getting busy, or moving to Japan on business. The Simchas Torah UWS extravaganza is a great opportunity to meet and connect with people you seriously would like to date. Take advantage of it.
Bottom line: Be serious, honest, focused, and most of all…be a mentsch.
PS — Log in to Jzoog and add the Hashtag #SimchasTorah to your profile. Then search for others with the same hashtag and get a head start on the big event!