Why do men stay single?
If you’re a woman who’s finally decided to settle down and look for that serious man ready for marriage, you’ve probably met or dated more than your share of men who seem to have all the requirements necessary for marriage, but just aren’t interested in tying the knot.
Sure, some of these guys might just not be ready to marry YOU, but it’s safe to say that many of them really aren’t ready, or don’t want, to marry period.
Age plays no factor in this. Men in their early 40’s can be as unwilling or unready to marry as men in their early 20’s. On the other hand, there are plenty of men who marry right out of college. In the “good ole’ days”, most men (and women) in their early 20’s would be married with a child or two. So what happened? Why do so many men stay single?
Some men will attempt to claim that they just haven’t met the “right one”, but the overwhelming majority will admit (if pressed) that there was at least one woman in their dating past that they could have married had they wanted to.
So the question stands: Why do men stay single?
The following reasons are in no particular order. Different ones apply to different men. You can choose the one(s) that fits best.
There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them.
[bctt tweet=”There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them.” username=”DatingCoachSOS”]
When you’re single you go where you want, when you want. You eat whatever, whenever. You are the sole master of your free time. Want to hang out and go drinking with the boys tonight? Not a problem. Feel like taking a road trip with a buddy. Go for it! When you’re married, and especially when you’ve got kids, it’s not so easy to exercise your carpe diem impulse and gallop off into the sunset (at least it isn’t for the majority of married men). Instead, you’ve got to consider the feelings and desires of your beloved, who might not exactly agree with your latest solo plan.
When you’re single, you spend your money however you see fit. Want a motorcycle, or maybe a two seat sports car “chick magnet”? Well, you might need to settle for something more practical and family friendly. Instead of only shopping for yourself, you’ll find yourself shopping for your spouse and/or kids, and be lucky if you have something left over for your own pleasure.
To use an old Seinfeld expression (albeit out of context), when you are single you are the master of your domain. Marriage changes all of that. Some guys just don’t want to give up their freedom.
Being a single guy is like going out on patrol in a combat zone every day not knowing what you will run into. Who knows what woman you’ll run into and want to “get to know” better? Every subway ride or trip to Whole Foods is an opportunity for new adventure. Every bar or party becomes a high stakes, adrenalin pumping challenge no less exciting than a twilight lion hunt on Safari in Kenya. So what if you come up empty handed? There’s always tomorrow, right? Many guys don’t want to give this up, even if it only exists in their dreams.
The (sad) truth is that no matter how awesome your marriage is and how crazy you are about your spouse, it’s almost impossible to ever experience that same feeling you did when you first met someone new and had that first kiss — and that first sexual experience. It might still be awesome with your spouse, but it’s different. It’s not the “first time”, with all the excitement and adrenaline that comes with that.
3. Fantasy Quest
Every man has an image (or 2 or 3) of their ideal, fantasy babe. She often bears a remarkable resemblance to one of the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, or one of the many erotic stars that make regular appearances during late night private browsing sessions. Since none of the real life women they meet match up to their fantasy partners, some men choose to keep looking until they find one that does. And they keep looking, and looking. As long as they hold on to their dream of finding her, they will never be able to commit to a normal, attractive, flesh and blood woman. If they do commit, they might miss their opportunity to be with fantasy Barbi. Ya never know, right?
4. Fear of Responsibility
With marriage comes responsibility. You don’t need to be a super hero to understand that. With children comes HUGE responsibility. Now that’s scary!
Having a spouse these days doesn’t really add much responsibility to a man’s life other than fidelity (which unfortunately, for some men is too hard to handle) and visiting the in-laws (hopefully not too often). Having kids is another ballgame. A man might suddenly become the family’s sole earner while expenses go through the roof. Then there’s late night or early morning wake ups, diaper changes, babysitting, diaper changes, exhausted (cranky) wives, diaper changes, and diaper changes. Some men just don’t want any part of it and would rather sit around in their underwear drinking bear, watching football, dreaming of their fantasy woman, and enjoying a quiet, full night’s sleep.
Fear of responsibility goes hand in hand with “freedom” (reason #1). The truth is that most married men have their moments where they envy their single friends, and with good reason. Let’s face it, the single life can be awesome. But that doesn’t mean that they would trade their status as husband and father for another shot at singlehood — well, on the other hand, based on the huge divorce rate today, many are choosing to do just that.
In any case, the fear of responsibility reason for men staying single still holds true and makes a lot of sense.
5. Never Really Grew Up
Marriage and children are for responsible adults who want to share and give. A good marriage depends on sharing and giving. Being a parent is 100% giving without expecting anything in return. Children are inherently selfish. Their primary concern is to get what they want when they want. They spend their days eating, sleeping, and playing. They’re not responsible for contributing anything. All they need to do is follow basic rules and instructions, and have fun. Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children… and they like it that way.
[bctt tweet=”Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children – and they like it that way.” username=”DatingCoachSOS”]
The purpose of this article is not to trash single men. There are lots of men out there who really do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. Many of them are hopefully on our Jewish dating site. But timing is really everything.
Almost every man transitions through a period where at least one of the above 5 reasons applies to him. It just depends on how long that stage lasts. For some men it might last a couple of years. For others a decade or two. For some, a lifetime.
Someone once compared men to taxi cabs. When they become available and the light goes on, they pick up the first person they see. The trick then is to find the right man when his light goes on — when he’s ready for a relationship. When the light is off, beware. You might be caught waiting for a long time.