5 Reasons Why Men Stay Single

Why do men stay single?

If you’re a woman who’s finally decided to settle down and look for that serious man ready for marriage, you’ve probably met or dated more than your share of men who seem to have all the requirements necessary for marriage, but just aren’t interested in tying the knot.

Sure, some of these guys might just not be ready to marry YOU, but it’s safe to say that many of them really aren’t ready, or don’t want, to marry period.

Age plays no factor in this. Men in their early 40’s can be as unwilling or unready to marry as men in their early 20’s. On the other hand, there are plenty of men who marry right out of college. In the “good ole’ days”, most men (and women) in their early 20’s would be married with a child or two. So what happened? Why do so many men stay single?

Some men will attempt to claim that they just haven’t met the “right one”, but the overwhelming majority will admit (if pressed) that there was at least one woman in their dating past that they could have married had they wanted to.

So the question stands: Why do men stay single?

The following reasons are in no particular order. Different ones apply to different men. You can choose the one(s) that fits best.

1. Freedom

There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them.

There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them. Click To Tweet

When you’re single you go where you want, when you want. You eat whatever, whenever. You are the sole master of your free time. Want to hang out and go drinking with the boys tonight? Not a problem. Feel like taking a road trip with a buddy. Go for it! When you’re married, and especially when you’ve got kids, it’s not so easy to exercise your carpe diem impulse and gallop off into the sunset (at least it isn’t for the majority of married men). Instead, you’ve got to consider the feelings and desires of your beloved, who might not exactly agree with your latest solo plan.

When you’re single, you spend your money however you see fit. Want a motorcycle, or maybe a two seat sports car “chick magnet”? Well, you might need to settle for something more practical and family friendly. Instead of only shopping for yourself, you’ll find yourself shopping for your spouse and/or kids, and be lucky if you have something left over for your own pleasure.

To use an old Seinfeld expression (albeit out of context), when you are single you are the master of your domain. Marriage changes all of that. Some guys just don’t want to give up their freedom.

2. Excitement

Being a single guy is like going out on patrol in a combat zone every day not knowing what you will run into. Who knows what woman you’ll run into and want to “get to know” better? Every subway ride or trip to Whole Foods is an opportunity for new adventure. Every bar or party becomes a high stakes, adrenalin pumping challenge no less exciting than a twilight lion hunt on Safari in Kenya. So what if you come up empty handed? There’s always tomorrow, right? Many guys don’t want to give this up, even if it only exists in their dreams.

The (sad) truth is that no matter how awesome your marriage is and how crazy you are about your spouse, it’s almost impossible to ever experience that same feeling you did when you first met someone new and had that first kiss — and that first sexual experience. It might still be awesome with your spouse, but it’s different. It’s not the “first time”, with all the excitement and adrenaline that comes with that.

Click Here for Dating Help


3. Fantasy Quest

Every man has an image (or 2 or 3) of their ideal, fantasy babe. She often bears a remarkable resemblance to one of the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, or one of the many erotic stars that make regular appearances during late night private browsing sessions. Since none of the real life women they meet match up to their fantasy partners, some men choose to keep looking until they find one that does. And they keep looking, and looking. As long as they hold on to their dream of finding her, they will never be able to commit to a normal, attractive, flesh and blood woman. If they do commit, they might miss their opportunity to be with fantasy Barbi. Ya never know, right?

4. Fear of Responsibility

With marriage comes responsibility. You don’t need to be a super hero to understand that. With children comes HUGE responsibility. Now that’s scary!

Having a spouse these days doesn’t really add much responsibility to a man’s life other than fidelity (which unfortunately, for some men is too hard to handle) and visiting the in-laws (hopefully not too often). Having kids is another ballgame. A man might suddenly become the family’s sole earner while expenses go through the roof. Then there’s late night or early morning wake ups, diaper changes, babysitting, diaper changes, exhausted (cranky) wives, diaper changes, and diaper changes. Some men just don’t want any part of it and would rather sit around in their underwear drinking bear, watching football, dreaming of their fantasy woman, and enjoying a quiet, full night’s sleep.

Fear of responsibility goes hand in hand with “freedom” (reason #1). The truth is that most married men have their moments where they envy their single friends, and with good reason. Let’s face it, the single life can be awesome. But that doesn’t mean that they would trade their status as husband and father for another shot at singlehood — well, on the other hand, based on the huge divorce rate today, many are choosing to do just that.

In any case, the fear of responsibility reason for men staying single still holds true and makes a lot of sense.

5. Never Really Grew Up

Marriage and children are for responsible adults who want to share and give. A good marriage depends on sharing and giving. Being a parent is 100% giving without expecting anything in return. Children are inherently selfish. Their primary concern is to get what they want when they want. They spend their days eating, sleeping, and playing. They’re not responsible for contributing anything. All they need to do is follow basic rules and instructions, and have fun. Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children… and they like it that way.

Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children - and they like it that way. Click To Tweet

Bottom Line

The purpose of this article is not to trash single men. There are lots of men out there who really do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. Many of them are hopefully on our Jewish dating site. But timing is really everything.

Almost every man transitions through a period where at least one of the above 5 reasons applies to him. It just depends on how long that stage lasts. For some men it might last a couple of years. For others a decade or two. For some, a lifetime.

Someone once compared men to taxi cabs. When they become available and the light goes on, they pick up the first person they see. The trick then is to find the right man when his light goes on — when he’s ready for a relationship. When the light is off, beware. You might be caught waiting for a long time.

****************************
If you need personal dating and relationship advice, you've come to the right place. To get answers to your specific questions or scenarios, click here.

84 replies
  1. Diogenes84
    Diogenes84 says:

    What a bunch of tripe! The reason more and more men stay single is because of what they face in the ruling gynocracy after seeing their fathers, grandfathers and sons raped daily in Family courts throughout the US. They have decided to opt out by going MGTOW or in just limiting any commitment.  I recommend that all men see the movie “Divorce Corp” to get a good idea of why the supercomputer in “War Games” says at the end…”a strange game…the only winning move is to not play.  He might as well be referring to marriage in the western world. I am fully aware that in this era of “no fault divorce” that any woman can pick up the phone and have me removed from my house, take the vast majority of what I have slaved and slaved for and I have no rights.

    Remember A Women Needs A Man Like A Fish Needs A Bicycle…well Men Need A Women (and her ever present court system) Like A Fish Needs A Hook. Shaming techniques don’t work anymore. You go girl!

    Replace the ‘natural’ mating instinct with the other natural instinct known as self-preservation.

    Reply
  2. Roger
    Roger says:

    Well if many of us good innocent men were really that lucky to meet a normal woman, then many of us definitely would’ve been all settled down by now.

    Reply
  3. MGTOW
    MGTOW says:

    Not worth getting married for us single men anymore today with the kind of very pathetic loser women that are everywhere now unfortunately. Today they want men with a full head of hair, be in very excellent shape, very good looking, have a very great career making mega bucks, has his own home, and drive a very expensive car as well. Quite a list of demands that these women want from us men now since the great majority of these women to begin with are so very obese and not all that attractive either. MGTOW all the way, the very safe way.

    Reply
  4. Marcus Brown
    Marcus Brown says:

    How condescending.

    I’ve known women who don’t want to be tied down. Do they just want to sit in their underwear, watching Sex In The City and drinking wine?

    I work full time and am looking at volunteering opportunities to help my local community.
    I am also studying part time.

    I’d rather do all this than be in a relationship at this time. That’s all there is to it.

    Reply
  5. Insidious_Sid
    Insidious_Sid says:

    What tripe. Men avoid relationships – #1 reason: it’s TOO RISKY.Relationships with the modern “strong independent” woman means she’ll stick around for a while but leave when a better deal (or hotter alpha) comes along. Then, the beta fool who took her in gets stuck with a whopping spousal support and child support bill. Women today fail a cost-benefit and risk-benefit analysis #1 reason. Not this “men are immature” crap.

    Reply
  6. K.
    K. says:

    having been married twice I have, quite simply, had enough. I am a very tolerant. patient and generous man but in my experience that is a path to ruin for a man. Most women today have extremely severe ‘control’ issues. I have had enough and find it easier and more comfortable to live alone.

    Reply
  7. Erich Honeker
    Erich Honeker says:

    I can’t believe the garbage I sometimes read. Whoever is the author of this article, please find the nearest window and jump. Everything I read here pretty much contradicts my life experiences at 100%.

    Reply
      • Harpo Mason
        Harpo Mason says:

        fear of responsibility is fear of taking the Blame for the failure of the marriage.
        The female is not designed to accept responsibility for anything unless left alone and that is having no one else to blame..Men take the blame/responsibility for their own decisions..Females are never responsible. There is two things they never accept “NO” for an answer and “Blame” for their mistakes..

        Reply
    • ThisIsWhyUsGoodMenAreSingleToday
      ThisIsWhyUsGoodMenAreSingleToday says:

      The real problem is that with most women sleeping around with different men all the time which they will never be able to commit to just only one man anyway.

      Reply
      • Renny
        Renny says:

        No.. no.. no..! What I see lately is the vice versa, a man REALLY likes to sleeping around, he is 50y.o and such an asshole! Every young girl he met, definitely he invites to his apt. and “try” her, after that he keeps being nice and treating ’em as FWB. May he rot in hell!

        Reply
    • Jay
      Jay says:

      To Eynat, Where? I would certainly like to know since most of the women of today unfortunately Aren’t like the good old days anymore.

      Reply
  8. J
    J says:

    If a man is not ready, he is not ready – simple as that.
    Many cannot afford a wife.
    It’s not about love.
    I have met women who are kind, compassionate people who really deserve a man who can improve her life. But deep down, they want someone to take care of them.
    Most women equate caring with more and better STUFF.
    They won’t consider a man who challenges her values or opinions or tries to inspire her toward her higher, better self.
    They want to find a lifestyle facilitator.
    We all want a more leisurely life.
    A man who would seek a woman to allow him the security of a home and more time and money to pursue his own leisure interests would be considered a freeloader, yet most women feel they are entitled to this exact thing.
    Men are loved for what they can provide. We may never know whether we are loved for who we are unless we choose to define ourselves by our ability to do so.
    However, as soon as we are no longer willing or able, sex ends, affection ends, the relationship ends.
    Therefore, it is a transaction.
    I don’t expect to have someone else to pay for my lifestyle.
    But if I refuse to pay for someone else’s, I am selfish, immature, etc..
    I have tried to understand why my decisions to improve myself have failed in womens’ eyes.
    I now know that I would have been miserable if I had concentrated on making as much money as possible to increase my chances with them, only to realize that those who are drawn to that kind of man see him only as valuable as the service he provides.
    I like myself as I am.
    That’s enough.

    Reply
    • Craigston
      Craigston says:

      All relationships are transactional. If a woman puts on weight or becomes less physically attractive, no doubt it would be okay for a man to dump her and find someone else Women are expected to be more self sacrificing and accomodating.

      As for wanting a lifestyle facilitator. What kind of women are you mixing with? Both partners should encourage and support each other. But the idea of a guy thinking that it is his right to “school” me will send me heading for the hills. If you feel that way inclined maybe you should become a coach and make money out of it!

      If you keep attracting those kind of women, maybe some soul searching is necessary, rather than blanket condemnation. Where does that get you? I mean, you’re the constant, the women are the variable (wasn’t great at Algebra, but I got that part).

      You like yourself as you are. That’s cool. I do too.

      I think that women overvalue marriage/ltr and men undervalue marriage/ltr as well.

      Reply
  9. Common Man
    Common Man says:

    Now I’m in my 30’s 10 years without dating even once and I will remain that way. What do women in their late 30’s have to offer me?

    Very, Very few women over 30 I would want to sleep with, many are obese and the thought of having sex with an obese women makes me ill(I keep myself in very good shape). They are past their child bearing age so even though I wanted kids they can’t provide them. Most have slept with 10 of more guys so they are STI carriers.

    They have little to offer and less each day. Why should I risk all that I have worked my life for? I know it can be taken from me on a whim.

    Reply
      • William sanders
        William sanders says:

        I agree stay single. You greatly reduce the amount of times your falsely accused of stuff. I personality for one love my solidarity very much all the relationships I’ve been in have not offered me the supposed perks of being with someone. So I absolutely disagree with the premis that there are perks of being in a relationship I for one don’t experience that at all with any of the relationships I’ve been in. They always start great and end sour. I have had enough of the roller coaster ride. I get a lot of satisfaction from my hobbies. It keeps me going. I wish there was a supposed right one but I seriously doubt that very much. Not every person I feel is meant to be with someone that a false notion that people tell you to make ya feel better. Reality is not everyone can find that right one. If that were the case all of us would not be here in this forum

        Reply
        • William sanders
          William sanders says:

          Many of the relationships I’ve been in I like to point out sent me into a serious deep dark depression and paranoia to the point where I almost took my life personality for my mental health I think it’s I’ll advised for me to be in a relationship due to that very reason.

          Reply
  10. Common Man
    Common Man says:

    Gave up on women in my late 20’s. I occasionally get asked out but I politely turn them down.
    I wanted a family, I love kids. Thankfully I have 10 nieces and nephews to spoil.
    Why? I keep getting “You’re a great catch and you’re so attractive you own a really nice home why don’t you have a girl?” Well for one I want to keep that nice home.

    I’ve seen what women have done to my friends, thankfully only one suicide so far (all to common these days) The lucky ones are the guys that wound up single fathers. One of them is paying child support even though he has the kids and she hasn’t been around in years another is raising three children by himself only one of which is his(again he doesn’t get child support and she is long gone).

    These are the lucky ones. The sad ones (including the suicide) are the ones who lost their home, access to their children and pay %60 of their income in support.

    This is the pattern: Nice guy with good job and home gets married to a skank with 3 kids for the bad boys she fucked until she decided to “settle down”, she racks up a ton of bills does nothing around the house then kicks him out and lives on child support inviting some other tattoo freak in to abuse the kids.

    He winds up with nothing but debt and an STI.

    Reply
    • Eynat
      Eynat says:

      That’s so sad! But coming from a married woman of 13 years plus 2 kids work full time and manage to stay in shape cook clean …. not all of us are that way love u just have to find the right girl that will really love and appreciate you and that girl will do everything fo r u with a smile on her face! A good wife will make her man grow.

      Reply
      • john smith
        john smith says:

        Eynat – Typical NAWALT post. Granted that no group is 100% homogenous but the problem with women is that enough of them are and a man doesn’t find out until it is too late. All women know they can destroy any man, any where, at any time, for any whim. It is just too dangerous to a man’s health, wealth, and sacred liberty.

        BTW, you proved you are AWALT with your own words. “A good wife will MAKE her man grow”. Do I even need to explain it to you?

        Reply
        • Insidious_Sid
          Insidious_Sid says:

          EXACTLY. Not all women are “like that” but ALL women are equally weaponized by the government and the family law and divorce industries to BECOME like that in a heartbeat. And once her heart is no longer in the relationship, and she already has moved on emotionally, there is no end to what she can put her soon-to-be ex through.

          Reply
  11. Very Smart To Stay Single
    Very Smart To Stay Single says:

    Most of the women out there now are certainly just down right very horrible creatures altogether today since it is usually all about them anyway since they just expect too much now more then ever because of their greed and selfishness that is everywhere nowadays. They just don’t have any respect for us good innocent men at all and God forbid if you should ever say good morning or hello to them to start a conversation with them which is a very bad mistake right there. They absolutely have no manors at all these days with a very horrible personality to go along with it which makes these women today so very sad and pathetic now as well. It makes a lot of sense now for many of us men to remain single since these women are real losers as well. Enough said right there.

    Reply
  12. All The Good Women Are Gone Unfortunately
    All The Good Women Are Gone Unfortunately says:

    Well one very excellent real reason is that with so many women sleeping around with so many different men all the time every single chance that they get would really do it. Enough said right there.

    Reply
  13. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Well the way that i look at it which since most of the women of today have really changed for the worst of all unfortunately since they have such a rotten personality and no respect for us men at all these days anyway sure will explain it. God forbid for many of us men trying to start a normal conversation with them since they’re ready to chew our heads off for no reason at all since i had this happen to me already and a couple of friends that i know had it happened to them as well which really makes these women very pathetic and such low life losers as well. It is just our luck to meet such very horrible women today instead of just one good one to make us happy which it is a rarity to find the RIGHT ONE for us which would be a real miracle if we did. So it is very obvious why many of us men are still single today when we really shouldn’t be at all since it does take two to tango.

    Reply
  14. jawnee
    jawnee says:

    lol What garbage this article is.Men are staying single because women openly trade men now for lifetime alimony,child support,maternal presumption,no fault divorce,for welfare,section 8 apartments,blocks of govt cheese,free phones,for medicaid and food stamps.Women traded men through affirmative action,where black and white women both take black mens jobs and college admission….While women ignore the equal pay act of 1963 and claim an imaginary pay disparity.
    All the while claiming to be strong and independant while being priveleged and on those entitlements…Declaring to be strong and independant,while being 5 foot tall,usually flat broke,having smaller biceps and with women in America celebrating fat acceptance while children in the world die of starvation,are so obviously afraid of dumb bells and tred mills….Women in America initiate 75% of the 50% of all marriages that end in divorce.
    American women have aborted 60,000,000 babies with the morning after pill available,while men of America are denied the right to opt out of fatherhood,for true equality.
    1 in 4 American women is bipolar,schizophrenic,clinically depressed and fully monkey medicated.America is the twilight zone,its bizarro world…Where women who lead the world in abortion,obesity,single motherhood and divorce who are absolutely flat broke,actually think they are good women…
    While refusing to play traditional female roles,while always requiring men of America to provide for and protect them.Men of America quit.We are remaining celibate or flying 3000 miles to meet good wife material,because “men of America are losers.” We are such losers as men,that an entire industry of foreign dating only opened to American men,and not to American women for reasons mentioned in this post.American women are wack.
    Women actually thought men would not be able to walk away from the vaj jay jay,yet we have…because westernized womens sense of entitlement,vagina entitlement syndrome and ego is so repulsive,that even sex is no longer worth it,thats how bad western women suck.
    Feminism and no fault divorce destroyed western,by the time western women try and relent their carrots of privelege through feminist inspired laws of privelege,and try to gain back their feminine spirits…men will be long gone by then and America will probably have financially collpased.Western society was fun while it lasted.MGTOW…

    Reply
      • Ryan
        Ryan says:

        That isn’t an argument, it’s just an insult. If all you can do is throw the word “misogynist” at someone then they must have a point.

        Reply
      • John
        John says:

        And you labeling him a woman hater is an ad hominem attack, and therefore invalid. But one thing you said is correct: He is better off single. Actually, all men are better off single. Women will never accept responsibility and accountability for their actions, and now men are forcing them to. You have attacked, belittled, criticized, hated and used men for so long, and now you’re surprised they won’t have anything to do with you. You stupid, narcissistic, entitled princesses are getting exactly what you deserve.

        Reply
      • Matthew
        Matthew says:

        Hmm this is sad im an Australian male i nearly got put in jail for dating a single mother and i didn’t know any better i had to brake up because she only using me as a boy toy i suppose not bad for some guys but its not my thing to be used that way. So when i said we had to finnish she said i can ruin u because im a woman at first i didnt believe she went to the cops made false report im a Pedophile the police didn’t care i was inocent had to spend my life savings going to court to prove my innocence and i would have gone to jail based on my gender and it was her kids that came to my defense ” God bless them” after that i had the same power as women i got avo. It has been 4 years since this happened i already committed suicide i survived sadly now im diognosed with PTSD of women i can,t even talk to them and kids i wanted to be a father a role model protecter and look where it got me im just glad i was a step father and i spoiled them rotten but look women look how we feel do u understand our pain resentment u all are probebly giong to man up well i have im asexual cant see women as beutiful like i used to i sence danger i hope this answers the women who call us misogynist.

        Reply
  15. Theo
    Theo says:

    all i can say is Being single is the best experience to have.
    i Loved someone beyond the limits and all she did was Term my love for her as puppy Love.. i have Lots to tell but not here. thnx

    Reply
  16. G Man
    G Man says:

    All of the above reasons do not apply to me. I was raised to be a man who takes care of family. I was raised to be loyal. I think that having a family is something every man should aspire to and I want a family more than anything. Have been wanting it for years. Why am I still single? I am 35 years old, own real estate, own two companies, traveled the world, well spoken, down to earth, tall, athletic, etc. I have no intentions to brag, merely stating facts. I know my flaws, I accept them like I accept flaws from any other person, or qualities. I have dated over 50 women, I do not look for another mother, or compare other women to my mother. What I fail to find is a woman who is genuinely honest and sincere. Everyone lies, but they either want to impress me or they are class act sociopaths. Funny story. I was opening a company overseas and the requirement was a physical and mental exam. Once I was done with the physical, I had to go and talk to a psychiatrist. I knocked, entered and sat down. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, established that I am in good mental health and asked me if I had any questions. Since i got out of a relationship with a girl who lied about pretty much everything, I asked the doctor how can I recognize a sociopath. She promptly answered that they are liars, talk to much, manipulative, etc. So, jokingly, I said pretty much most women. Then she laughed and said pretty much. I know a lot of good men, not nice guys, but good men that are single and have same problems as I do. Women do not want good men. They want a man they can control and manipulate. A good man is something they can’t deal with. Very few of them can. For me, that is a strong woman. Not some made up character by vogue magazine or some magazine.

    Reply
  17. Dan
    Dan says:

    I’m going to be completely honest with everyone here. The main reason why a lot of men don’t want to get married is because of harsh divorce laws. A divorce is too easy to get now a days and the punishment for divorce is too severe. No fault divorce laws are what is killing marriage. If you want more men to be willing to get married, then you have make marriage beneficial to men because if you don’t, then men will continue to run from marriage. It’s just like raising taxes on businesses, when you do that, they either find a way around it or they start to leave.

    Reply
  18. Tgy
    Tgy says:

    Hmm well I have a nice car, make 93k a year, & relatively a rational guy…even with what I have dating isn’t easy. People are spoiled in general, finding a gal isn’t easy these days. I know many more people who are not single/married & are miserable. No rational person wants to settle with shit individual just to not be alone.

    Reply
  19. John
    John says:

    My biggest problem is that I could never really relate to girls in a proper way. I’m lucky if I just get into the friend zone. And even then the odds of that going anywhere is next to nothing. You can buy material from carlos xuma and other products like that. They don’t work. It’s all a scam. All of it. If you’re not meant to date anyone or be with a girl at all, no matter what you do when interacting with a girl, you will never get anywhere with them. If girls aren’t attracted to you, they aren’t attracted. Plain and simple. For you guys reading this, if you are in your 30’s and still haven’t been able to connect with girls, give it up. It’s never going to happen.

    Reply
    • Very Pathetic Women Everywhere Now Unfortunately
      Very Pathetic Women Everywhere Now Unfortunately says:

      John, with the kind of very Pathetic Women that are out there today which really speaks for itself since most of them now are such Losers anyway. Today many women unfortunately will Curse at us men for just saying Hello to them which really makes them very sad altogether.

      Reply
  20. A
    A says:

    I once had a feminist girlfriend who always complained that men dated women of lower status than theirs. She was higher in status than I was. Guess what? She dumped me because of that. Women say one thing and mean another (and think a third, and do a fourth).

    Reply
  21. John
    John says:

    Dear women:

    Learn something called respect. Then I will speak and maybe waste a little of my time for you. Otherwise piss off.

    Reply
  22. Steve
    Steve says:

    Well now that there are so many Career women today making a very high salary which Most of them will Never go with a man that makes much Less money than they make which makes it a real shame how the women of today have really Changed since they will Only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less since it is all about them anyway. Lets face it, Most women want a man that makes Mega Bucks or if they make what they’re making since Most women now are so very Power Money Hungry since it is really all about them. Now we have so many very Independent women since they really Don’t need a man to Survive when they really Can make it on their own which so many women are making a six figure income now more than ever before. The more these women make, the more they would want which makes it very sad how the women of today have really Changed since the Past when Most women Weren’t making that kind of Money at all unless they were making movies in Hollywood back then which many did in those days like the famous Actresses that we knew about back then. So this is a very Excellent Reason why many of us men are still Single today Unfortunately since we really Can’t Blame ourselves at all when many of us really Would’ve been married already had we been Born many years ago when many of the Good old fashioned were around which today Unfortunately they just Don’t Exist anymore.

    Reply
  23. GT
    GT says:

    A painful aspect of marriage here in “First World” nations (like the U.S.) is CHANGING expectations between partners in long term marriages. My wife and I married over 30 years ago. I would say we married for love with reasonable expectations we had for ourselves (and each other) being acknowledged as a back-drop to our marriage. For instance, she came to know that I would always work to support her and any children we would have. Coming together in the mid-1980’s (NOT mid 1950’s or ’60’s) I had expectations of her that she would partner with me financially by being willing to work or be accepting of a more austere lifestyle that living on one (even upper middle-class) income would mean in the last couple of decades of the 20th century. She chose to work and we’ve had (in my opinion) a nice upper middle class lifestyle. As we got going, those expectations all seemed to work nicely.

    The problem is people change. Even your life partner changes and they might not actually check with you and see if you’re “ok” with these changes. Somewhere along our 30 year marriage, my wife began to develop expectations that I would earn a certain amount of money. HE expectations of that amount would be that it would eventually 1) lead her to a place where she would no longer work, and 2) that amount would be enough to allow her to live a very leisurely lifestyle. I further define that statement by saying she truly seems to have come to expect to have a “buy whatever I want, whenever I want it . . . all while NOT working” kind of life. My guess is that she feels she deserves this because she’s female and that’s ultimately what (to her mind) truly treasured U.S. females get to have.

    The operative question being, how much is that amount? I am now making about $165,000 a year and with our household/kid costs I believe what I make is enough to live a decent, comfortable lifestyle, but I’ve come to find out it’s nowhere near enough to allow her to do what she wants to do . . .the first thing being is to quit her $40,000 a year job. Then next thing would be to begin enjoying her life (now free of that pesky job) by indulging in her true passion of interior design. That is, totally re-doing every room in our house to the tune of $30,000 – $75,000. Well . . the sad news is . . .I don’t have $75,000 lying around somewhere. And that pisses her off.

    The other bad news for her is that, somehow, I’ve managed to reach my current age with a relatively decent self esteem. You see, I KNOW I’m a good guy. I know how hard I work to support my family, and I don’t mind keeping at it as long as my health cooperates. What I DO mind, and find shocking and disappointing is that after all these years, my partner in life is basically now profoundly disappointed in me . . . I guess, simply for the fact that I don’t earn $400,000 or $500,000 a year, which, to my figuring, would be enough to allow her that lifestyle she feels entitled to. It’s sad to think that what I’ve shown her and our children, over 30 years, is, based upon what she’s telling me NOW, that all of THAT amounts to failure and disappointment in her eyes. At this stage, rather than fight, I’d much prefer that she just file and leave me and just go find one of those men that is making the approximately $500,000 a year to satisfy her. I’m not filing or leaving because, especially considering my kids, my life is fine. I like our house. Sure, it could use touch ups and work to the tune of about $10,000 – $15,000 (spread out over a few years) and we can do those things. What she’s expressed to me lately . . .I’m sorry . . .but we just can’t do. So again, if that frustrates her that much, she really has no choice than to leave and go find that man. Because frankly, to her mind, a woman doesn’t work to earn these things . . . her husband hands them over to her. Since her current one can’t . . . she should (really) go get one that can. (Now, between you and me . . .at her age . . .figuring what a $500,000 a year man would be looking for in a woman . . .it’s NOT going to happen for her!).

    I don’t know how to propose a solution to the dilemma we face after all these years to young people who may just be starting out. Given what she told me, and how she behaved, and how I felt about her then, in her early 20’s, I’d have no reason NOT to marry her. Given how, after all these years, things have changed . . .it’s pretty apparent that I shouldn’t have married her. I guess I’d ask young women, perhaps like this author, to truly examine their souls and try and figure why you’re marrying this guy. If, at any stage in the relationship, you see yourself thinking that your husband SHOULD be providing you with a very leisurely, luxurious lifestyle . . . understand the risk you’re taking . . .especially if you’re marrying a guy approximately your age . . .just starting out. No matter how hard he works, given the current structure of our economy, he can NEVER guarantee you that type lifestyle. If he’s a decent man, he’ll work hard to progress that way . . .but he can’t give you any guarantees! It’s better, for a young woman, if she can acknowledge that she may have in her the type of person inside of her that my wife evidently had all along, to maybe skip the appearances of marrying a guy your own age who is starting out (unless he’s a trust-fund kid and will have access to the family money) and look for the guy in his 60’s or 70’s who is willing to show you bank statements displaying his net worth. If those numbers are pleasing to you . . .go for that guy!! It might look bad to some people but, you know what, at least you’re being honest with yourself and men out there and there’s something actually very admirable about that. I think it’s much preferable than being with a man . . .letting him think you love him for non-monetary reasons for a good number of years, that he’s a good husband and father . . .just to reveal to him decades later, that you really think he’s been a failure. That hurts more than I can put into words, and I don’t think I’m over-stepping my place here in speaking for men saying we’d rather go through life single than hear that decades down the road.

    PS- young women . . .please know . . .that what you’re signing up for . . .by pursuing the path I just described above . . . is a “trading” of desired commodities. YOU desire the money . . and he may willing hand that over to you. What HE desires is a young, attractive woman who is essentially willing to become his sexual “employee”. You will have sex with him whenever, however and as often as he wants. He will require you to basically NEVER age and you cannot gain a pound. Because THAT is the hallmark of a relationship based upon money . . .not love. It’s just something you should know . . .going in.

    Reply
    • Mark R
      Mark R says:

      Your comment struck home with me as I’ve been through something similar. I was told that I should be working not just one demanding professional job, but then a second one as well, and that she should not need to be appreciative of any of this because “that is just what men are supposed to do”. She herself hasn’t worked at all, children are both at school. One thing women like your wife doesn’t realise is that if she does leave she will be dealing with men who have been through these painful experiences with women and are therefore likely to be less giving and generous than their husbands rather than more so.

      Reply
  24. David
    David says:

    I find is amazing that a conclusion should be reached that men who remain single haven’t grown up and are irresponsible. The value behind this is that such men are immature because they won’t be conventional, nor will they dedicate their lives to making a woman happy.

    Actually, what they are dedicated to is making their own life satisfying. This might include a fulfilling career, community service, seeing and understanding the world, and pursuing religious philosophies, and studying. Many men cannot do these things when they are married.

    Married men are less likely than married women to achieve satisfaction while being married. Society expects married women can be entitled to: stay at home with the kids; work part-time; go to spas and be pampered; meet their friends for lunch; and enjoy the support of a breadwinner. Men cannot look forward to these things and are seen as burdensome and shirkers if they were to do so.

    Men are not here on this wonderful planet to ensure women are happy. Men are voting with their feet and going it alone.

    Women now need to start thinking hard about what they bring to the marriage table. Because to many men, the answer is not much.

    Reply
      • Don
        Don says:

        Are grandparents came from a time long ago.

        Feminism, two income households, no fault divorce. Reality tv and some many others things culturally have and will continue to break up all of the “traditional values of pre 1960’s.

        Best for men and women to never marry.

        Reply
      • John
        John says:

        My mom and grandma brought a lot to the table. They made sacrifices for the family, as did my dad and grandpa. You, however, bring nothing to the table. When you display 1% of the humanity, (true) strength, humility, love and compassion as my mother, then I’ll listen to you. Until then, shut up and leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with you.

        Reply
  25. AGoodAnswer
    AGoodAnswer says:

    Well with many women now being very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very money hungry, really speaks for itself why many of us Good men still are.

    Reply
    • Marius
      Marius says:

      I’ve seen enough about women in the modern world and tested both sides of life to know single is by far the better deal for guys these days. I think these points are not entirely false but it still misses the real reasons with a mile or two. It is written by a guy who obciouslly dont choose to be single and therefore have little insight. In the bigger picture, if you compare the reward vs costs, more and more men find it’s raw deal. There is no true benefit that can outweigh the cost, risks and sacrifices expected.

      Reply
      • Theo
        Theo says:

        Being single is a lovely experience to have.. i really had that girl i really Cared for and alot. All she did was to break up with me and its nagging reasons she gave. i will stay single till i really feel its words.

        Reply
        • Anna
          Anna says:

          I am very sad to hear all of this negativity about women. I am a single mother of three. My husband had his own business. I tried and thought I was a supporting wife. I worked to help pay the bills, not to buy extravagant things.. He was having trouble organizing his business.. I tried to give him ideas and help him and be supportive. I cooked for him and the kids instead of buying unhealthy premade meals. My food was never good enough. I asked him to come to the church with us, no time. I tried to get a balance between his business and our family life. I asked him to come to the park with his kids, that was a waste of time. So I did things alone with me and the kids so we would not be in his way of his business. He left me anyway for some woman he met at a restaurant. I did not lie, I was not entitled, I worked hard at work, at home, at the boys school. I never lied or cheated on him.. I never talked down to him. There are many women like me. Good Christian women who want a sincere, loving, respectful relationship.

          Reply
          • Shawn
            Shawn says:

            Well then you’re one of the very few. As far as all the stuff you’ve listed goes. I work 12-16 hour shifts 5-6 days a week. Some times I have to report in at night. Now finding time for myself in this situation as a single man is starting to get a little hectic, but I do find time to make time for myself(so I’m fine mentally). If what you said is true, then I’d wager that you are a fine and decent woman and deserved better. I’m 31 years old and even though I don’t have a family of my own, it’s already programmed in my head that if I did, I’d man up and take care both my wife and children. Some guys just don’t understand that the “little things” do mean a lot to some women. I’ll note that I tend to have a oft spot for single mom’s since my father(who was a wonderful and caring family man) past away when I was 8 years old and I watched my mom bust her ass just so she could provide a good and happy childhood for me. Looking back at it though, I can honestly say that even though I had a major tragedy happen. I still had a happy childhood.

            Now as far as the article goes, I have to say I agree with it for the most part. I’m single by choice and I’m actually afraid of marrying some woman only to have her leave me later on and take half my stuff. I purchased a house by myself, in a couple of years(when I’m 35) I’ll have my house completely paid off(I’m 31 right now) and can’t wait cause that means I can possible focus on the whole getting married thing. I love women and believe in equality, but I will never bend over backwards for someone who isn’t willing to do the same for me.

          • Sadly Single But Not By Choice
            Sadly Single But Not By Choice says:

            To Anna, Well after reading your story it is sad what happened to you since you were one of only so many women that were really old fashioned since unfortunately there Aren’t too many type of good old fashioned women left anymore today. This is a very good reason why many of us men are still single today since it is really very difficult for us to find a real good old fashioned type of a woman for us good men now that really should’ve been married in the first place instead of dealing with this Crap today.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *