Let’s recap. The woman in the post felt blown off following a great first date. The man she went out with threw around lots of compliments, and based on his physical actions (i.e. next massage in his apartment) he appeared to find her attractive as well. He sent her a nice email after the date saying he had a good time. She responded, and then after not hearing back she reached out again and he still has not contacted her.
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon scenario.
Ladies- The worst thing you can do is let a guy you only went out with only ONCE drive you crazy. There are a bunch of reasons why he could have gone MIA. None of them necessarily have to do with you.
1. He was into you at the moment, but is not looking for anything serious.
This is a common scenario. You could be out having a great time; he finds you attractive and wants to hook up that evening. Once the night is done the momentum has been lost and he’s over it.
2. He’s dating around and trying to juggle.
In a city like New York it’s become the norm to date multiple people at the same time. (This goes for both men and women). You may still be a consideration, but he has 3 other dates lined up this week and he just hasn’t gotten to calling you yet.
3. You are in different places.
Most women in their late 20’s and 30’s are dating for marriage. If this guy just wants to have fun and sees that you are looking for a committed relationship he may not want to hurt you. He may even see himself as being respectful by not pursuing it any further.
4. He has a lot of personal stuff going on, work issues, or just simply busy.
I can relate to men to some degree on this one. When I’m stressed, busy with work, or have too much going on personally, I retreat. Men can genuinely be interested, but if they are having issues (especially work related) this can take priority over a new girl.
If the first three reasons are why the guy has gone missing, then I would say it’s definitely time to move on. As for the last one, this may mean that you need to back off for a little while to see what he does. Unfortunately it will take a little time to be clear on what his real agenda is.
For sure don’t lose any sleep over it. Don’t text, call, email, or reach out on any level. Keep dating and put him aside for the time being. If he is genuinely interested, then once the situation has passed he will reach out. From my experience, I usually always hear from the guy again. I’ve even had guys disappear for months and then come on full force a year later. If I would have allowed myself to feel upset it would have been a total waste. Regardless of what the outcome is, never lose your dignity. If he wants you he will make it known, and if he’s not the right guy just remember it’s not always about you.