Finding out that the man you love and are in a committed relationship with is stealing from you is enough to shock even the strongest woman to the core. In most cases it’s grounds for breakup. You certainly don’t wan’t to be with someone whom you can’t trust and who obviously is seriously lacking in even the minimum level of integrity required to build and maintain a healthy loving relationship.
But what if he isn’t stealing your money? He might be stealing something infinitely more valuable.
In her bestselling book Otherhood, author Melanie Notkin discusses men who steal their women’s fertility.
A textbook case is of a 38 year old woman dating a slightly older man. After a few months things are going really well. They’re in a relationship. They’re in love. She wants to have children. He tells her he does too. They get engaged. Now she’s 39.
She wants to plan the wedding asap. He wants more time to build their relationship and enjoy their time together. She doesn’t want to push him and ruin something that’s so good. She’s nearing 40 and realizes that if they don’t get moving she might miss her chance at ever being a mom.
She confronts him. He breaks down and tells her that he doesn’t really want kids. Or maybe he tells her that he doesn’t really love her enough to marry her. Or maybe he just isn’t ready for marriage, or never will be.
She’s shocked. Heartbroken. It’s over. Now she’s 40 and starting all over again. She’ll find another man. But the prospects of her ever giving birth are not very promising. She realizes that she was robbed of her fertility by the man she loved. But she also realizes that she bears at least an equal share of the crime.
She knew her timetable and should have been firm about sticking to it. When she saw that her boyfriend wasn’t on the same page as her, she should have done what was best for her. But he lied. He continued dating her knowing that he was never going to marry her. He enjoyed her love and companionship too much to think about what was best for her. He knew she only had a few more years to have children, and he stole those years for his own use.
It doesn’t matter how old you are; you never want to lose precious months or even years. When you’re at the age when you’re fertility comes into question, you want to make 100% sure that you’re not making yourself a victim of a fertility thief.
Be clear about your needs and intentions throughout the relationship. If you see that his actions or intentions are not in line with your needs, take the necessary action asap. Don’t be a victim of a fertility thief.