What To Do When You’re Confused by a Man’s Mixed Signals

Dear Jcoach,

I met this man in school. I am 23 and he’s 37. We both work there. His age doesn’t really bother me but I am so confused and angry with his behavior. He asked me out once in school, for salsa dancing and a drink. I went with him and I had an amazing time. I gave him my number the next day, which he should’ve asked for (but didn’t).

He keeps teasing me, talking to me, flirting with me, sending me messages, giving me winks, compliments. Then, he asked me out again to go swimming and we went for a drink but nothing happened. The next day I carried on and until now… no more night out even though he did say that “next time we’re out I’ll get you a glass of wine.”

So what should I do with this man? Is he into me or not? Why does even keep coming to my work and pretend to get his lunch to see me and giving me all those signals but NOTHING is going on. I can’t ask him out cause it seems he’s not into it any more, but he keeps giving me looks. What should I do? Shall I just move on? Am I wasting my time? What does it all mean??

I am angry, frustrated.

Here’s the good news: he’s definitely interested in you on some level. He probably thinks you’re cute and fun to be with.

Why isn’t he asking you out again? You need to read these two posts:

– Dear Jcoach: Why Did He Reject Me?
– What To Do If He Isn’t Asking You Out Again?

Seriously, I want you to read both posts before you continue.

Done?

Here’s my advice: I have no idea what’s going on in this guy’s head. He obviously likes you in some way, although it’s not clear if it’s romantic or not. You’ve got 3 choices:

1. Continue flirting with him and being frustrated and angry.

2. Move on and forget about him (I realize this is tough since you work together).

3. Have a serious, open, heart to heart conversation with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Don’t settle for anything less than certainty — either that he likes you as a friend or that he wants to go out with you. This is the only way you’ll get closure, one way or the other. If he wants to be friends you can seriously look for romance elsewhere. He wants to date you, you go girl!

I’m strongly in favor of option #3.

Best of luck!

>> If you found this post interesting, there’s a lot more super helpful advice in my book, From I to I Do: How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Mr. Right [Available on Amazon]

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