Advice from the Pros: Dating Coach Suzanne Muller

To help our users get the most out of online dating, we decided to get advice from the experts: professional matchmakers and dating coaches. We asked them 8 questions that we hope will give you some guidance in preparing an awesome online profile and succeeding in finding love online.

Our expert today is Suzanne Muller, the founder and CEO of Happy Living Forever.

Suzanne’s answers follow each question.

1. What are the first 3 questions men ask about potential dating partners?
1) Have you been married before?
2) Do you want to have children still?
3) Do you like to travel?

2. What are the first 3 questions women ask about potential dating partners?
1) What do you do for a living?
2) What do you like to do for fun?
3) Have you been married before and what happened that it ended?

Note: These are not the questions I would recommend but are typical :)

3. What part of an online profile do you think is the most important for men? Women?
Men obviously look at a woman’s pictures first. However, men that are interested in falling in love are also looking for a woman with a sense of humor, confidence, and someone that can be playful and light. And, lately, I am seeing that age is important to men if they are looking to still have children or not. It’s not an insult to older women at all, it’s actually rather important if a man would like to have a natural family.

Women will read his whole profile, peek at the photos, and will even give him a chance if she is not quite sure. If he could look better than his pictures a women is prone to give him an opportunity. Woman tend to look at the whole package. Is he successful, content and happy? Women also find men that do volunteer work attractive. Women will look to see if he is articulate, grounded and knows what he is looking for. She is also in tune with the stats – Height? Has children or not? Physical fit? Grammatical errors?

4. Is it ok for women to message men first?
Absolutely. In fact, I have a client who is engaged to be married now because we completely shifted his negative thought to a positive one, and she contacted him. Women contacting men shows confidence. This is the year 2014!

5. What are some big mistakes men make on their online profiles?
Men’s profiles are boring and stale. If I see one more man write,” I like to ski, golf and hike.” Snoozer! He has to stand out from the rest because women are doing their homework – looking at the photos, reading the profiles, sending emails and ore. It is a two-way street these days! I call this ‘flushing it out.” Meaning, instead of saying – I like to ski, hike and bike. If a profile said, “When I am on the ski slopes, it’s a blast to ride down the mountain with the wind in my hair at high-speed. It’s invigorating and quite a rush. And the views from the chair lifts are awesome and spectacular” Reading those two statements, who would you find to be the most interesting?

6. What are some big mistakes women make on their online profiles?
Women tend to put too sexy of photos on their profiles and they wonder why they are attracting the wrong kind of men for them? I recommend a full body shot and a couple of headshot photos that look like you. Keep the photos casual or professional. I also recommend posting photos that are within that same year. Here is an extra added value. When you first meet someone, always ask if you look like your photos to prevent any awkwardness. The other mistake women make, just as men do, is quickly writing up a profile and they talk about what they ‘Don’t want”. Always write what you DO want and be playful, light and happy. I also recommend using these kinds of words in your profile (I like, I enjoy, what makes me happy is, I appreciate, I love a man that..) These are fun, happy and heart words that have him know you are friendly, content and tickle his heart)

7. Would you share an online dating success story you’ve been involved in?
About two years ago, I was teaching an online dating profile class at Colorado Free University. David was one of my students. When he told the class he is active on four online dating sites, I was quite shocked, however, I was also very impressed with his commitment. Why? Because that’s a sign of a man that IS ready to be in a committed relationship and is doing everything possible to meet her. He had a very good profile, although we tweaked a couple things. As we were coaching, I uncovered a hidden thought he had that was only getting him first dates. The thought was, I only have one chance to woo her. Instead, we changed his thought to I am going to impress her and she can’t wait to see me again. A week or two after we shifted this thought, he was contacted by his now fiancé and they are getting married on May 24th of this year. Here is his full before and after story.

8. What’s one piece of advice you’d share with all those looking for love online?
I would recommend emailing for a longer period of time before meeting, and asking better questions about what’s important to you. I call this “your fulfillment list” and I’m finding that if 80% or more of that list can’t be fulfilled by this person, it’s NOT going to work. The more you can ask someone about the things that matter to you the better your chances of meeting someone that can fulfill you over time. Isn’t that the goal? I think people go out on dates too early, and they waste their time, money and energy on people that are not a match for them.

Online dating is a fantastic way to meet someone, and if you follow these handful of tips you can meet someone, get off the dating market and be in a fun, loving and healthy relationship sooner than you think!

Thanks Suzanne for your super helpful insights and advice!

You can contact Suzanne here.

What do you think of Suzanne’s advice?

Please share your comments and questions below.