There used to be a lot of very good reasons for getting married. Many of those just don’t apply anymore, at least not to the extent they did. In the old days being single beyond your thirties meant being lonely, frustrated, and lacking the social and emotional support equated with marriage. That just isn’t true anymore. From my own experience I can verify that I rarely was without the opportunity to be among friends or in a social environment. I always had close friends who I could depend on in times of emotional stress. Being single on the UWS didn’t carry with it any of the traditional negative stigmas of singlehood, at least none that I could feel. Even on traditionally down days for singles, like holidays, there are always things going on (especially in NYC) to help take away those negative feelings.
But there’s one thing that I could never replicate as a single: being a father. Yes I wanted to meet my soulmate and fall in everlasting love, but if that was my only objective I could have continued searching in the hope of matching every last detail of the image I nurtured in my dreams. There was always the possibility of meeting the “perfect” one, just around the corner (or at the next Friday night dinner). In the meantime I could always find distractions to keep me busy, or simply enjoy the “hunt” for Ms. Right.
True love could wait (and be substituted with temporary love), but being a father couldn’t wait any longer. I could find substitues for love, but not for being part of my own family. It took me a long time to really feel that emptiness, maybe because of the distractions that I used to fill the holes in my life. But eventually the longing to build my own family overpowered me. I could not continue being single any longer.
It was only after that revelation that I was finally able begin dating for marriage. Once I made my decision and directed all of my energy to reach my objective, it didn’t take very long for me to find my soulmate and start my beautiful family. Sure there was some mazel (and favorable timing) involved, but it would never have happened had I not desperately wanted to be a father.
It wasn’t easy. I had to make some major changes in my life and seriously modify my way of thinking and making decisions. But without the motivation of wanting to be a dad, I would have never made those difficult decisions and changes, and I probably would not be in the position to write this post today.
So I guess Father’s Day is a pretty important holiday, for me at least. It helped motivate me to change my life. It might be able to do the same for you, if you let it.
Happy Father’s Day!!