I recently read a question from a woman who was upset that the guy she was being set up with told the matchmaker that he wanted to see a full body photo of her. She wanted to know whether she should comply and send over a full body shot or not? I’ll tell you my answer at the end of the post. Let’s analyze the issues first.
1. Is it wrong for guy to demand to see a full body photo before agreeing to go out?
I don’t know if there’s a clear cut wrong or right here. There’s obviously nothing wrong with a man or woman wanting to be attracted to his or her potential mate. In fact, Jewish law allows both parties to “check each other out” to make sure sufficient attraction exists and even allows them to back out of the deal if it doesn’t. So I can’t really say it’s “wrong” for the guy to want to see the full body photo, if he feels that it will confirm or deny his personal attraction requirements. Might his “requirements” be totally unrealistic and outright foolish? Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He is entitled to his own preferences, and you are entitled to accept or reject him.
Is it an immodest or irreligious request for the guy to make? If he makes the request to a matchmaker then I think it’s neither. If he makes the request directly to the girl, then he’s just a tactless, crude, rude, jerk with not a touch of class in his persona.
2. Is it totally superficial for a guy to demand the full body photo?
Of course it is! But isn’t a large part of attraction superficial? It definitely is for most men, and probably for most women too, at least initially. Any attempt to deny, downplay, or discredit this fact is just a waste of time and resources. It also can hurt men and women by encouraging them to pay less or little attention to their appearance. It won’t matter how you look to the right guy…nonsense. Every man and woman should always try to look their best.
3. Should the girl comply and send the photo?
There’s no right answer here. If she thinks the guy is rude for asking, then she shouldn’t. If she’s uncomfortable with the way she looks then she obviously shouldn’t either. If she’s looking for a guy who wouldn’t ask for the photo, then she should write this guy off and move on.
As you can see, there’s no clear cut right or wrong here, and you can make a case either way. Here’s my practical solution: This guy isn’t asking for a bikini shot. He just wants a general idea of your body type, first hand. If you want to date this guy you should send him a photo that captures your entire body at a reasonable distance to the camera so that he can get a sufficient idea of your body type without any immodest closeups. I’m sure you’ve already got plenty of those on Facebook anyway.
Let me know what you think of my suggestion, and please share your own in the comments section or on the Jcoach FB page.