How To Date For Marriage Instead of Perfection
Does the actual dating process differ whether you’re a casual dater or marriage-minded dater? Let’s first define the key terms. For the purposes of this post I’ll define the casual dater as someone who isn’t looking for a serious, committed relationship as opposed to the marriage-minded who is. Yes, I know I’ve equated serious relationship with marriage, but when it comes to dating method and process, I think they are the same.
Now, I’m not talking about specific dating venues or dollar amounts spent on dates. Both groups might or might not spend or “wine and dine” depending on the particular date. I’m referring to the decision making process that determines whether a dating relationship will continue to soar or crash and burn.
If you’re a casual dater, you’re main objective is to satisfy YOUR needs. You want someone who’s going to make you feel good and with whom you can have fun with. You want someone who makes your knees feel weak, your heart pound faster, your eyes see fireworks, and your more private body parts exult in exuberant exaltation at the very image of their countenance…all the time. Your dating objective is to find that person. If you do, you will continue to date them for as long as they continue to make you feel the way you did initially. As soon as they stop, you’ll move on to find someone else who will “bring back that loving feeling.” There’s a whole world of potential “make you feel good” partners out there, so why not keep looking?
For the casual dater anything short of perfection (whatever that means to that person) is a no-go. If you’re looking for personal satisfaction then why not continue looking for that perfect satisfier, and possible have some fun in the process? No use wasting precious dating time on someone that obviously is not making your spine tingle from the outset.
When you’re dating for marriage, (and I mean you’re really serious about it and not just saying that you are but continuing to be a closet casual dater) you have decided that the most important objective in your life is to find someone that you can build a family with and love (= to give to) and cherish “til death do you part”. You obviously need to feel attracted and excited, but you must also realize that you’re feelings will transform and evolve with time and that there will be ups and downs in any relationship. So if date number 3 isn’t as exciting as date number 1, you’re willing to give it some more chances because hopefully date number 6 will be great again. If your partner does or says something really stupid or insensitive, you’re willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and see how they act on the next 2 dates.
When you’re marriage-minded, you are not looking for faults and imperfections in your partner. Instead, you are looking for positive reasons to continue dating them to see if they possibly could be the person you could share life with. You’re trying hard to find the good in them instead of searching for the slightest flaw. You go into every date committed to doing everything in your power to make things work. You don’t want to move on. You don’t want to date anyone else if you don’t have to.
To summarize, if you want to be a marriage-minded dater you need to:
- Keep an open mind.
Not everything about the person needs to be exactly as you envisioned in your last daydreaming session.
- Give them the benefit of the doubt.
If they’ve said or done something that you consider to be “wrong”, don’t judge them unfavorably right away. Maybe they just had a bad day? Maybe you misunderstood what they meant or did? Maybe it was just a one time thoughtless mistake?
- Give it one more chance.
Don’t give up on someone after one bad date. If you felt an initial attraction, then you MUST give it at least another shot, maybe even two — unless there’s a really compelling reason not to (like the guy or girl turns out to be a violent psycho).
I truly believe that becoming a marriage-minded dater will greatly increase your chances of finding the “right one” to have a happy and fulfilling committed relationship with. It worked for me!
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