If I asked you to describe your perfect romantic partner (and hopefully spouse) I’m pretty confident that you could do it. You’ve got a picture of him or her in your head, and even if you don’t, you’ll know it when you see it. It’s that bolt of lightning that sends 1000 volts of excitement through your body when you spot what you believe to be the object of your greatest desire. I suspect you might have already met, or at least seen (stalked?), your fantasy mate, possibly many different ones. So why weren’t you able to win any of them over? Why are you still alone, still imagining, while they are with someone else building a relationship, marriage, family?
It might have just been the result of unfortunate timing or very unlucky karmic energy. More likely it was because you just weren’t the right one for them. If only you could have fit the bill of what they were looking for in a mate? Out of your control right? Not necessarily.
I think it’s very much in your control to be the type of person who will attract your fantasy mate. In fact, it’s quite simple.
1. Step one is to clearly understand what qualities he or she is looking for in their perfect match. Here’s an example for the guys. You are totally smitten by a beautiful lady. Alas, she doesn’t seem too interested in you. Why? I have no idea, but I’m positive that she doesn’t see in you the qualities that she feels she needs in her ideal partner. So instead of acting like a shmuck and stalking her for the next few months until she gets a boyfriend or a restraining order, you need to learn everything you can about her. What kind of guys does she like? Is she into macho guys, intellectuals, athletes, artists, rich, poor, funny, serious, any and all combinations, and anything else you can think of to add to the list?
How do you get this information? You use any and all means at your disposal. Obviously the best way is to get it straight from her, indirectly through conversation. Or you can ask her friends. It’s your job to figure out where and how to get your information.
2. So you’ve done your research and discovered that she loves classical music and opera, enjoys listening to jazz in the village, dreams of living in Italy, craves intelligent conversation, and respects a man who likes to spend money on her (lots of it!). The problem is that you don’t fit any of these qualifications. You love top 40, think jazz is noise, dream of living in Long Island, crave sports talk, and don’t have much money left after paying your rent and gym membership.
No Problema! All you need to do is become the man she’s looking for! So you make believe, act, lie, fake, and borrow, and presto…you become her dream guy!
3. She falls for you. You did it, congratulations. You followed my advice and got the fantasy woman of your dreams. Now you can live happily ever after with her.
Silly rabbit, don’t you know that tricks are for kids? Don’t you realize that not only did you trick this woman, you tricked yourself into a relationship that you will both be miserable in for the rest of your lives, or more likely until you break up or get divorced?
You can only be happy with someone who you can be yourself with. If you truly desire to change and become a different, and hopefully better, person then by all means go full speed ahead and make it happen. But it has to be what you truly desire in your deepest and sincerest heart and soul. Becoming someone who you are not, and really have no desire to be, is wrong, stupid, and most of all hurtful to you and the person you’re attempting to fool.
So you might succeed in winning over your dream partner, but you’ll end up miserable and alone (even if you do stay in the relationship). Is that what you want?
Solution: find a partner who fits who YOU are, who appreciates YOU for who YOU are NOW. Don’t try to fool anyone, because in the end, you’ll be the fool.