unavailable guy

If A Guy Says He’s Unavailable, Believe Him

You’re about to hear the truest truth about dating that you must follow or risk getting severely emotionally battered and bruised.

It’s such a simple rule that seems so logical and intuitive and yet, so many women fail to heed it and suffer the consequences. So, are you ready?

Here it is: If a guy says he’s unavailable, believe him. What could be simpler than that?

Let’s play this out. The guy who you have set your sights on as your knight in shining armor and the father of your children has just informed you that he is really not ready or interested in being part of a relationship (with you, or anyone). What do you do? Do you try to prove him wrong, smother him with love and affection, and make him realize just how wonderful you are and how he will never meet anyone who even comes close to your beauty, personality, and intelligence?

NO, WRONG!!

You do NOT do that! What you do is pat him on the head, wipe his mouth with a napkin and, with the biggest smile you can muster, wish him well on his journey. Then run as fast as you can and find a guy who is ready to be in a relationship with you.

But, alas, you are smarter. You think that you have the magical, supernatural power to make this guy into a believer. So you dig in your heels, pull out every tool in your Femme seduction kit, and get to work. Months, maybe years, later you’ve had enough. You’re ready to settle down and want an answer, now. So you give him the ultimatum, and guess what…he says he’s just not ready for a relationship.

Surprise! You’re a year older (or more), alone, and so emotionally messed up that you need a few more months just to be able to eat normally again, let alone open yourself up to another potential relationship. What a waste.

Here’s the rule one more time: If a guy says he’s unavailable, believe him.

 

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Here’s a story

I recently met with a beautiful single lady who told me a variation of the story I’ve heard, and continue to hear, hundreds of times. She dated this guy for six weeks. He was great. Totally reliable, considerate, stable, and put together. After each date he called or emailed her to set up another date (in advance!). He praised her for having her act together and being sans drama. Things seemed to be progressing amazingly well. They started getting physical. You know where this is going, right?

The day after Thanksgiving, after a few days of little to no communication, he told her that he couldn’t continue dating her. He said that he thought she was wonderful, amazing, exactly what he was looking for in a serious relationship partner and potential spouse. Unfortunately, he wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship. So despite his feelings for her he could not, in good conscience, continue enjoying her romantic company knowing that he would not be able to give her what she was looking for: a committed relationship leading to marriage.

“But if he thought I was so great, why did he dump me,” she asked, dazed and confused. I gently reminded her that he had told her exactly why he couldn’t continue dating her, and that when a man tells you that he’s “unavailable”, you must believe him and move on to find a man who is. Oh.

I think she understood and accepted what I said, but I feel like she did so reluctantly. Deep down inside she was probably still trying to figure out what he didn’t like about her or what she did to drive him away. Instead of being grateful that this guy was enough of a mentch to not string her along and use her for another six months before dumping her for the same reason, she was wasting her emotional energy trying to follow the teachings of the experts who coined the mantra, “he’s just not that into you”. Why else would he dump me?

The fact that a guy dumped you is not necessarily because he’s “just not that into you.” It might be but, as in the case of our heroine, it might also be because he just isn’t interested in being in a serious, committed relationship…with anyone. The good men will let you know within a few weeks or less. The villains will keep you in play for months, or longer. The end result will be the same. You’ll need to move on and find a man who shares your objective of commitment and possibly marriage.

Bottom Line

In two recent instances (heard from the women involved) guys told their respective partners, after a few dates, that they were really not ready for a relationship, and the girls said, “have a nice life” and fled.

Hurray! They followed the rule and have since moved on to healthier and happier situations.

You can and should…MUST…do the same. Trust your man.

If he says he’s unavailable, you should take him at his word. AND RUN!!!

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If you need personal dating and relationship advice, you've come to the right place. To get answers to your specific questions or scenarios, click here.

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