After publishing “Does He Like Me? Here’s the Real Answer” I got a bunch of comments from guys asking me to write about the other side of the coin: Does she like me? My initial response to them was that there really isn’t much to write about. If a guy wants to find out if a woman likes him, all he has to do is ask her out. If she says yes, bingo! If she declines, then he can be pretty certain that she doesn’t “like” him, at least not in the way he’s hoping for.
Of course a woman can also follow this simple strategy and ask, but she’d have to break thousands of years of tradition to do that, and not everyone is brave or progressive enough to do that. But men are expected to do the asking and make the first move, so there shouldn’t be much of a problem there.
While the answer to “Does she like me?” should be easily attainable, the problems arise when the guy doesn’t accept a negative reply. The same social conventions that have given men the duty of asking have also instilled in them the ideals of “never giving up”, “fighting to the death” and “when you first do not succeed, try try again.” For many men getting a “no” is viewed as more of a challenge than a rejection. Savvy women use this to their advantage throughout their dating and relationships to keep their male partners on their toes and in the hunt.
What, Does She Like Me? Really Means
So when most men ask the question “Does she like me?” what they’re really saying is, “even though she said no to me when I asked her out, do you think she really does like me and all I have to do is give her the opportunity to show it?” The guys who ask this question have solid precedents to base their optimism on. There are countless stories of guys who initially got the “No”, but then continued pursuing until they finally got the big “yes”. Of course in many of those cases the guys lost interest soon after getting their “victory”, but that’s another subject for another time ;)
I always hear women saying something like, “When I first met him I didn’t even give him a second look. Seriously, look at this putz. But then he grew on me and I fell for him. Now he’s the love of my life.” By the way, you’ll never hear a man saying something like, “when I fist saw her I thought she was the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, but then I fell in love…” No, guys don’t work that way. They’re either physically attracted or they aren’t, and if they aren’t, they aren’t giving out free chances. But women have proven time and again that persistent men can win their affection, so why shouldn’t a guy keep trying?
It’s ok for a guy to try to woo a woman who initially says no to him, as long as he remains respectful and unobtrusive.
There’s a fine line between cute and creepy in dating, and you want to make sure you stay fully on the right side of that line. You don’t want to join those losers who have turned “never give up” into harassment and stalking.
Guys, if you decide to ignore rejection and continue your pursuit, be aware that for every one man who succeeded in your endeavor there are probably at least a hundred who didn’t. That means you’ve got about a one percent chance of success, which are not the kind of odds you want to stake your destiny on. So if you’re going to pursue, make sure that you give yourself a limited amount of time to do so in. Don’t allocate more than a few weeks to the challenge. The last thing you want is to end up in the same place, in a few months or years from now.
Some guys think that they can multi-task and continue dating other women while still pursuing their true prize. But dating and relationships require focus. That means 100% of your attention. Splitting your attention multiple ways will leave you with nothing substantial, certainly not a serious relationship.
Guys, if you want to know if a woman like you, just ask her out on a date. If she says no and you aren’t willing to accept that, then try your best to woo her in a respectful and unobtrusive manner — for a short and defined period of time. Don’t be a pest, nudnick or stalker. If she still doesn’t change her mind, move on. If she ever does change her mind, she’ll let you know.