One of the questions singles most often asked is whether getting involved in a long distance relationship is a smart idea. Is it possible for a long distance relationship to succeed?
One of the reasons for the popularity of this question is the internet. Back in the good old days you pretty much dated within your geographic area. There were always those cruise ship or travel romances, but those were the exceptions and usually were filed away as wild vacation adventure memories to reference on lonely rainy days. Today, if you’re on a dating site you have the potential of meeting someone living in a faraway land, or at least cross country.
So is it a smart idea to get involved with a man who lives in Oregon when you live in New Jersey?
5 Tips to a Successful Long Distance Relationship
If you decide to take the long distance plunge, here are some tips that you must follow in order to make sure you end up with a successful relationship instead of a broken heart and a lot of wasted time.
1. Keep contact to a minimum before your first in person meeting.
There’s nothing worse than building a virtual relationship with a man and then meeting him in person and realizing that you don’t have the required “chemistry” with him. It happens all the time. You exchange beautiful emails. You have exciting chat sessions. You might even share some deep and meaningful conversations. Everything is so perfect. You can’t wait finally meet him face to face. Then you do. Major disappointment. He’s sloppy, badly mannered, and lives in his mother’s basement. Or maybe you actually think he’s great, but he doesn’t reciprocate. He just doesn’t feel it for you. Painful.
You don’t want this to happen. Video chat or Skype is ok, but not really enough to be sure. There’s nothing like being next to the person in real life to know if the chemistry is there.
Make sure you meet face to face before getting too involved.
2. He should travel to see you
Maybe this is old fashioned, but that the man should be the one to travel to see you. If he doesn’t it means he’s not interested enough for you to continue with the relationship. When a man is interested he will go to the ends of the earth to see a woman. That’s a fact.
In the event that he’s too busy with work to make the trip, he should pay for your plane ticket. He must make the investment to show that he’s interested. If you are close enough to drive half way, you can meet at a middle point. But if you need to fly, he needs to come to you or bring you to him.
What if he won’t travel to see you? To get the answer and find out how to handle the situation, watch this video:
Allow me to go on a bit of a rant…
During a recent session with a female soulmate searcher, she let me peruse the matches that had been suggested to her, most of which she had accepted. So I started going down the list. The first two guys live in California and the third in Arizona. She lives in NYC. Here comes a long distance relationship dilemma.
Ok, I know you’re reading my mind now, but bear with me. The fact that they live thousands of miles away from her is not a deal breaker per se. I’ve seen long distance relationships work, under the right circumstances. So what are those “right circumstances?”
The woman told me that she had spoken to each of the guys on the phone. I asked her if they were planning to come see her in the near future, or at least planning to be in NYC for any reason. Nope. Then forget about it! The “right circumstance” is that the guy is planning to physically meet you! He’s too busy? Well, when he gets serious enough to make the effort, you can speak to him. Until then, find someone who actually wants to meet you!
Guys, if you’re not prepared to travel, DON’T start a long distance relationship.
What are you thinking? Don’t waste your time, and more importantly, don’t waste a woman’s time with your long distance mind games and flirtations. And ladies, if you’re stupid enough to play into this nonsense, you have only yourselves to blame so please don’t come crying to me after a few weeks or months of tele-flirting with nothing to show for yourself other than a large phone bill and a broken heart.
Bottom line: don’t accept a match with someone who is not intending to come and meet you. Make that clear in your initial phone conversation. If you happen to be traveling to his hometown for business, then that’s fine too. Otherwise, it’s his responsibility to make the trek. Matchmakers, are you listening to what I’m saying? Before you set up a guy who lives over a two hour drive from the women you’re thinking of, make sure he is ready to travel!
Once you’ve met in person and you’re both interested, then by all means, I give you permission to carry on a long distance relationship, but only for a defined period of time, at which point you’ll either get engaged and move to the same city or move on.
Are we clear on this?
3. Communicate Daily
Once you’ve met in person and have decided to continue, you must communicate with each other on a daily basis. It’s too easy for a relationship to fissile when you can’t see each other. The only way to keep the flame burning is to communicate regularly and often. If you both like each other, this shouldn’t be a problem. The conversation might not always be romantically earth shaking, but that’s ok. As long as it is some of the time.
[fyi – when you’re married the conversation probably won’t be stimulated all the time, or even most of the time. Hopefully, some of the time…]
4. Occasional Meet Ups
You can’t expect good conversation or emails to carry the relationship for too long of a stretch without some actually face to face time (in person). How often that happens depends on the distance and individual circumstances, but it’s got to happen to keep the flame alive and burning strong.
5. A Plan to Move
No long distance relationship can continue indefinitely. Why would you want it to? You’re looking for a meaningful, long term, relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage. The only way that can happen is if you’re living together. That means one of you better be prepared to eventually move. If moving is out of the question for you and for him, then end the relationship right now. You’re wasting precious time. Set a target date which will mark the point where you either need to be together or part ways. If that time comes and neither of you is willing to budge, game over.
Like it or not, long distance relationships are a part of modern day culture. They face lots of difficult and very real challenges, but if both parties follow the tips I laid out in this post, I think they can make a long distance relationship turn into a healthy, lasting and long-term relationship.
Do you have any experience with long distance relationships? Do you agree or disagree with the 5 requirements I’ve listed? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.