As part of our continuing series of interviews with professional matchmakers and dating and relationship coaches and experts, we asked Julia Bendis, a Matchmaker a Dating Coach that works with men and women in Orange County and the Los Angeles, CA area, 8 questions we think will help you improve your online dating profile and understand what the people you’re trying to attract are looking for.
Julia’s answers follow each question:
1. What are the first 3 questions men ask about potential dating partners?
– Is she down to earth and “normal”?
– Is she educated and able to hold a conversation?
– Is she looking for a long-term partner and not just in it for the money?
2. What are the first 3 questions women ask about potential dating partners?
– Is he down to earth and “normal”?
– Does he smoke or do drugs? (If they do, the women are not interested, even if its once in a while)
– Is he educated and have a stable job?
3. What part of an online profile do you think is the most important for men? Women?
Even though I am a Traditional Matchmaker, and don’t offer online dating, it’s still important for both men and women to fill out my questionnaire/profile as detailed and truthful as possible. Truth always comes out in the end, so don’t leave out important information and key facts because it could ruin a great relationship.
4. Is it ok for women to message men first?
If you are doing online dating, it’s perfectly normal for women to message men first, however in my business I encourage the men to reach out to their match first, prior to their date. In fact it’s one of my rules that as soon as they get their date’s phone number, they need to call and introduce themselves before their meeting.
5. What are some big mistakes men make on their online profiles?
Whether it’s an online profile or a private profile like my clients fill out, it’s incredibly important to be positive and not go into details of WHY their marriage or past relationship ended, that’s not the place or time for it. Men especially need to remember to be gentlemen and not behave in a crude and inappropriate way, i.e. don’t ask for nude or sexy pictures!
6. What are some big mistakes women make on their online profiles?
Women tend to overshare on their profiles and make the description either too long or too short. You need to list the qualities that will stand out in the sea of other women, such as speaking a different language, or born in a foreign country, being a great cook or a talented piano player. Don’t list that your greatest achievement in life is being able to fit in a size 2 at 40 years old.
7. Would you share a success story you’ve been involved in?
Over the years, I’ve had many success stories but the ones that stand out the most are when men and women have tried everything to find a partner: online dating, meeting people at work, being introduced by friends and family but nothing worked until they came to me. As much as online dating has been a great tool,nothing can substitute the personal touch of a Matchmaker especially one that has great intuition and emotional attachment to every single client! My clients become part of my family, and they are never forgotten or left to wait for months at a time.
8. What’s one piece of advice you’d share with all those looking for love online?
Looking for love online is tough, but it is possible. I’ve heard many great success stories of people finding each other online and getting married. But it’s not easy. You have to physically set hours of your time to search and weed out the wrong people and the wrong matches. That’s why people end up using a Matchmaker after trying online dating. I do all the work for you, I research, weed through the people, and meet with every single one before I bring them to my clients. All the hard work is done for each client.
Thanks Julia for your super helpful insights and advice!
What do you think of Julia’s advice?
Please share your comments and questions below.