No, You Should Not Sleep With Him on the First Date

sleep First DateThere’s a new book, soon to be released, called It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked by Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser. This Publisher’s Weekly review sums up the authors’ basic philosophy:

“For the most part, they suggest throwing out any rule that feels outdated or inflexible. After all, advice that rigidly employs the words “always” and “never” is often simply bad advice. So should you sleep with him (the book is geared primarily toward women) on the first date or not? Well, do you want to? Does he? If so, then go for it.”

You already know what religion says about this philosophy (at least the monotheistic ones), so allow me to remove my rabbi hat (skullcap) and just speak to you like a plain on guy who used to be single and is now married.
BULL Sh.T (I won’t swear unless I stub my toe, so fill in the blanks)!!

I understand that the concept of just doing whatever feels good at the moment is gonna sell a lot more books than the advice I offer in From I to I Do, but if your ultimate goal is to marry the guy, please fight that primal urge to do what feels good and use your brain and intuition to do what’s going to work best for you in the long term.

I’m not saying every dating rule out there is right. Different rules work for different people. You need to choose the ones that work for you. Are there cases where a woman slept with a man on their first date and then ended up marrying him? I guess there are, but honestly, I don’t know of any…do you?

Don’t get me wrong, you have every right to do whatever you want (as long as it’s legal and ethical) and if you want to sleep with that guy you just met and are crazy about, go for it. But just understand that by doing so you are drastically decreasing your odds of ever marrying him. No it’s not definite; nothing in life is. That’s why we try to play the odds and go with the options that have the best probability of success.

Rules are all about probability. If you exercise and eat healthy you probably have a better chance of living longer and better. It’s not guaranteed. You might still drop dead in your thirties, but the smart bet is to stack the odds in your favor. Do I need to give you more examples? I think you get it.

Are all dating rules right for all people: No. But not sleeping with a guy on the first date is. If you have any idea of how men think you know I’m right. I’ve already written about this before, so take a moment and read this post.

If a man is attracted to you his primary objective is to be physically intimate with you as soon as possible (unless he’s made the decision to get married and knows that he needs to wait). He couldn’t care less about emotional or intellectual connections at this point. That comes much later in the dating process for a man. It’s your job to make sure he discovers those emotional and intellectual connections before you get physical. That way, if he decides he isn’t really interested enough to commit to a relationship with you, you won’t be as hurt as if you had been intimate with him.

I don’t think what I’m saying is any great new discovery. You probably know this from personal experience. So why ignore the truth?

I wish the authors of this new book the greatest success, but please don’t sleep with him on the first date. Your welcome.



1 reply
  1. trevor
    trevor says:

    Still struggling with the conventional “wisdoms” which somehow require that the man has to “earn’ ( work, save a life, slay a dragon) his way into the sack, when we would like to believe that women can enjoy sex, as much as any man would, without having to be a slut, easy lay, etc. If our marriages are only 50% successful (?) ,does it not leave us with the premise that the man suddenly felt like HE had been the one to “earn” her love, while she did “not so much”?
    If I wanted someone just to cook and clean,I would have married a man.


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