This post is NOT about why you aren’t married. It’s also not about why you aren’t in a relationship. There are lots of valid reasons for both. If you aren’t ready or willing to enter into a committed relationship, you probably should NOT be dating — unless you make your position 100% from the start to the person your looking to be with.
This post is for those of you who would love to be going out on dates on a fairly regular basis, but instead find yourself sitting on your coach watching Sex in the City reruns wishing you weren’t. It’s particularly directed at those of you who simply can’t understand why you aren’t dating. You attribute your dateless existence to a lack of suitable partners or to downright awful luck (or to that evil eye cast upon you by that jealous friend of your mother’s whose son you refused to date).
While you may, of course, be right about the cause of your dating drought, here are 3 more likely reasons:
1. Need for TMI
One of the main reasons why more people who want to be in relationships aren’t is because they don’t get to that first date. This is especially true in online dating. People wink, like, text, IM, email — and sometimes even speak — but they don’t ever end up ever having a real life, face-to-face date. One of the reasons for this is because you get too much information about the person up front that you end up judging them by what you read instead of learning about them in person.
You get so busy asking questions and researching to avoid the possibility of spending an hour with someone you might end up not being so into that you’re rarely, if ever, end up actually dating anymore. Instead of spending time with someone to find out if they’re right for you, you date and evaluate them in the privacy of your mind, and then decide they’re not worth your face time. [source]
If you see someone whom you find attractive, and they’ve got the fundamental stats you require (age, religion, city), set up a date and find out the rest in person. You don’t need to know everything about someone in order to meet them for coffee or a drink.
TMI — too much information — will prevent you from going out on dates and potentially entering into a relationship.
2. Hung Up
Is there someone that you dated or had a relationship with in the past whom you can’t seem to get out of your system? Are you “friends” with someone whom you’d really rather be dating?
Well by all means give it your best shot. But if it isn’t going to happen, don’t let it stop you from dating again.
Too many people are lugging around a ton of baggage that is preventing them from dating. If you’ve got your heart set on someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you, you’ve got 2 choices:
1. Drive yourself mad with frustration and hope for a miracle.
2. Move on and start dating.
The first choice is pure torture. Get on with it.
It takes time to get to know someone and figure out if they’re right for you. Don’t try to do it before you even go out with them. There are clearly people who aren’t and will never be right for you. But if you meet someone who has basic potential, don’t try to project what your future will be like with them before you get to know them, at least a bit. Go out a couple of times at least before making your decision.
Some people think they can take one look at someone or have a single conversation with them and know enough about them from that single interaction to make an informed decision about who they are. They’re the ones who choose to sit home alone instead of going out on dates and meeting new people.
If you’re attracted and the basics are there, that’s enough to give dating a chance.
How to Attract Quality Men with Your Online Dating Profile.