As part of our continuing series of interviews with professional matchmakers and dating and relationship coaches and experts, we asked Sameera Sullivan, CEO & Lead Certified Matchmaker at Lasting Connections, 8 questions we think will help you improve your online dating profile and understand what the people you’re trying to attract are looking for.
Sameera’s answers follow each question:
1. What are the first 3 questions men ask about potential dating partners?
– What does she look like?
– What kind of baggage does she have? Kids, relationships, etc (men hate drama and are always trying to steer away from drama queens)
– What does she do for a living?
2. What are the first 3 questions women ask about potential dating partners?
– What is his relationship history and has he been married before?
– What does he do?
– How tall is he?
3. What part of an online profile do you think is the most important for men? Women?
When online dating, the most important part of the profile are you pictures. When people put pictures that are outdated and from 10 years ago, you are lying about the way you really look. If you end up meeting them, they will know what you really look like. Starting any relationship with a lie is not worth it and a waste of time!
4. Is it ok for women to message men first?
Women should take control. I can tell you, if you are confident in yourself, you can pick the men you like. Sometimes, men may get intimidated by your profile because you may come off as too intense. However, if you send a message to men that you would like to meet, it gives you control and shows them that you have confidence and can take charge of you life and get what you want. Men appreciate being approached. Don’t just wait for men to send you a message always. A bold woman who takes control of her own life is a turn on for many guys and if you are hot, that’s a plus!
5. What are some big mistakes men make on their online profiles?
Men, don’t post pictures with former girlfriends. Also, don’t mention that you are looking for a girl who looks like your ex in the picture on your profile. No woman wants to be compared to another woman. Do not put shirtless selfies on your profile. This is a big turn off to any sophisticated and professional woman!
6. What are some big mistakes women make on their online profiles?
Get to the point!! You don’t have to tell them you whole life story and stay away from long lists of what you are looking for in a man. Get to the point and be concise. Have a tone of confidence in you profile and briefly state a bit about yourself and what you ideal partner would be like. Definitely state what type of person or relationship you are not looking for. This will keep the weirdoes away and they won’t waste your time! Make sure that you put something funny in there that goes with your personality.
7. Would you share an online dating success story you’ve been involved in?
I helped a couple of people who came to me for date coaching with their online profiles. Their profiles had too much information, and I helped them get rid of all the unnecessary information that was making the profile look dull and boring. I advised them to be straight forward and to the point about what they were and were not looking for! This helps to eliminate the losers that you don’t want emailing you. I mean, they will still email but it decreases the number of those emails. I also helped them add something funny on there based on their personality. Like, “please don’t email me if you don’t fit the criteria as I will toss you like my last season’s Gucci Sandals”. This is something I used when I did some online dating back in the day, and it worked beautifully! Men laugh at this and I only got quality, classy men emailing me. Gucci scared the guys with no jobs! Its different for everyone but for me that worked. It showed my personality a bit. So I suggested one of my coaching clients to do something similar because she is more like me with her fashion sense and what she is looking for in a man.
8. What’s one piece of advice you’d share with all those looking for love online?
Looking for love online is just like having a part time or full time job! It depends on how serious you are about it! You have to take charge and initiate things if you are really serious. Men, and women both, review the profiles, look at the pictures, initiate an email introducing yourselves. Then, once you have exchanged a couple of emails, schedule a phone conversation going, and within a week, you should have a date to meet. Do not wait too long before you meet. You want to convert emails into phone calls and then schedule a date so you can meet and find out if this person is worth your time. You have to evaluate and scan each person as you do for a job interview! You have to be precise and utilize your time in the best way!
Thanks Sameera for your super helpful insights and advice!
You can contact Sameera here.
What do you think of Sameera’s advice?
Please share your comments and questions below.