Online Dating Advice from the Pros: Dating Coach Sandy Weiner

As part of our continuing series of interviews with professional matchmakers and dating and relationship coaches and experts, we asked Sandy Weiner, certified life and dating coach at 8 questions we think will help you improve your online dating profile and understand what the people you’re trying to attract are looking for.

Sandy’s answers follow each question:

1. What are the first 3 questions men ask about potential dating partners?
– Is she pretty?
– Is she stable?
– Is she calm?

2. What are the first 3 questions women ask about potential dating partners?
– Is he financially secure?
– Does he take care of his body?
– Is he smart?

3. What part of an online profile do you think is the most important for men? Women?
The photos are the most important for both sexes, although men tend to place more emphasis on the visual than women.
The next thing that’s important is writing a positive essay that sets you apart by stating your unique qualities.

4. Is it ok for women to message men first?
Absolutely. I encourage my clients to email men first. It’s a way to let a man know he’s piqued her interest.
She should not offer her phone number or suggest that they go out in her opening email. I suggest that she choose one thing from his profile that got her attention, tell him why she liked it, and then ask him an open-ended question.

5. What are some big mistakes men make on their online profiles?
Men’s biggest mistakes are writing profiles with terrible grammar and spelling and including cliches instead of specific examples of
what makes them unique. Also, any reference to sex or stupid humor is a turnoff.

6. What are some big mistakes women make on their online profiles?
Posting photos that are too sexually revealing, writing essays that say things like, “My children are the most important thing to me.” Of course they are, but when you state that in your essay, you’re essentially telling a guy that he’ll be second fiddle to your kids. Also, stop saying, “I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress as in a pair of jeans.” You and millions of other women… Talk about what makes you unique. Give examples.

7. Would you share an online dating success story you’ve been involved in?
“Kay” (not her real name) met “John” (not their real names) online. On paper, they would not seem to be a good match. He lived 1 1/2 hours away, and didn’t earn a great living. She lived in an expensive building and had built a highly successful business. The first time she called him and heard his voicemail, she almost hung up because she hated the message. Their first date was amazing. They hit it off immediately, proving that opposites often attract. Kay is in love for the first time in her life in her mid-sixties. They have been together for over two years. They connect in all the ways that matter -character, common interests, ability to communicate well together.

8. What’s one piece of advice you’d share with all those looking for love online?
Create a great online profile that truly reflects who you are. Throw away your long list of must-haves that include things like height and hair color. Be open to how love shows up in your life. Don’t make assumptions about your date. Instead, get curious and give people a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised!

Thanks Sandy for your super helpful insights and advice!

You can contact Sandy here.

What do you think of Sandy’s advice?

Please share your comments and questions below.

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