I noticed a huge spike in traffic on Jcoach.com right after the Jewish new year. I’m assuming that’s because people are making their new year’s resolutions which, for many singles, includes getting into a serious and committed relationship. But where do you begin? It’s not like you haven’t been trying to meet someone until now, so why should things be different this year?
Most singles realize that they need to make some sort of change either in themselves or in their dating habits or expectations but they aren’t sure what exactly to change? So they frantically search for that answer or piece of advice that will magically transform their dating experience and get them into the relationship they’ve been dreaming of.
The motivation to modify and improve is awesome. I totally applaud it. But your search for answers can’t and shouldn’t just be random. Before you start searching for solutions you need to carefully analyze your situation to identify what exactly you need to fix. That’s really the hardest piece of this puzzle.
I just received an email from a reader asking me to “redo” her profile. She attached a few photos and a paragraph from her profile. There are lots of services and coaches out there who would have cashed in on the opportunity and created an impressive “remade” profile because she asked for it, right? Well, I guess I did learn something from rabbinic school because I passed up the easy money for some honest advice. I reviewed her photos and description and told her that she didn’t need my help. Her photos were really nice. And her brief essay…well it was fine given that most men will make their decision on whether to contact her based solely on her photos. So the reason she’s not seeing the kind of dating success she wants has nothing to do with her profile. But I am sure that there are other things about how she’s going about looking for a mate that need tweaking or “remaking”.
My point is that everyone has different stuff they need to work on. It might be your online profile or maybe you’re looking for the wrong type of mate or maybe your expectations are unrealistic or maybe you just wouldn’t know real love if it smacked you in the face??
The challenge of this new year is to first figure out what you need to solve. Once you figure that out you can then search for the right solutions.
Here’s what I want you to do: spend some time thinking. Yes, just thinking. Think about what your objective is. Think about how you’ve been going about trying to achieve that objective. Think about what’s been going right and wrong in your dating journey. Try to identify specific reasons for your successes and failures. Think, think, think…but be honest, totally honest, brutally honest.
When you’ve figured out what needs adjusting, you can read through some of my articles here on jcoach to start getting some answers. If you need help with your profile, download my free ebook. I’m going to be launching a new book and website with dating and relationship advice geared specifically to woman, so please make sure you’ve subscribed with your email so that I can let you know when it’s ready.
Finally, I want to give you my best wishes and blessings for a wonderful, successful, healthy and happy new year filled with love and romance!!
Let me know what you think in the comments section below.
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