“Should I lie about my age to get dates” is a question I get asked a lot, by both men and women. The question usually relates to an online dating site profile, where your age is right out there in the open for everyone to see. Since it’s one of the first things on your profile that a potential mate will notice, it becomes a factor in his or her decision to get involved at all of just move on to the next match. Age is also a search criteria used to filter results, so if someone sets their upper age limit to 35 and you’re 36, you haven’t got a chance (we’ll address this in more detail below). When you meet someone face to face in a bar, age is rarely brought up (unless you look like your 15).
Do people actually lie about their ages to get dates?
Here’s the reality, which you already know: some men and women lie about their ages. Men do it to attract younger women who they believe would otherwise never agree to date them. Women do it to date men of an appropriate age.
I know, it sounds crazy but you know the drill: most men want to date women who are younger than them. Ok, some want women who are much younger. So if you’re a 48 year old woman you might be getting ignored by men in the their 40’s and early 50’s who are aiming their sights on women in their 30’s (some even younger!). Whether they can actually get those younger women to date them is another story, and pretty much irrelevant to your situation. The fact is that they think they have a shot, so they continue to try. That leaves you, Ms. 48, fielding offers from men about to start collecting social security checks!
Should women lie about their age?
So what’s a gal to do? To answer that we need to analyze the reasons why men seem to be chasing after much younger women. Here’s what I’ve found from my conversations with the culprits.
Why men want to marry younger women
Men who want to father children believe that their chances are much better with a woman in her 30’s or early 40’s. Now, although we all know that it’s possible for a woman in her late forties or even early fifties to bear children, you can’t argue with statistics and evidence that diminish that possibility.
But before you throw in the towel and resort to altering your birth certificate, remember that in today’s world a large number, maybe even the majority, of single men already are fathers from previous marriages or relationships and don’t want more children. Some men don’t want children to begin with. So while your age might knock you out of the running in the eyes of some offspring seeking men, it won’t matter to the majority who are already satisfied in the fatherhood arena.
Society tends to associate physical beauty with youth. That’s primarily the fault of Hollywood and Madison Avenue. Men want younger women because they assume that they’ll be in better shape and look prettier. We all know that that’s just a stereotype and that age and beauty are not necessarily correlated. There are plenty of women in their 40’s who are fitter, prettier, and sexier than women in their 20’s. So there’s really no need to lie about your age. All you have to do is make a man’s head turn and he won’t even bother asking for your age.
Yes, you already know that men are visual creatures guided by their sexual drive. If a guy is physically attracted to you, he won’t have the mental bandwidth to concern himself with your age.
Many men believe that women grow jaded, tough, cynical, and uptight as they age. They think that younger women are lighter, happier, and just more fun. Unfortunately there is some truth to this stereotyping. If you show a man that you’re just as positive and upbeat as ever, your age won’t make a difference.
Based on the reasons I’ve presented, when you meet a man in person you should never lie about your age. If he likes what he sees he won’t care how old you are. If he does then he’s obviously got issues that you don’t want to deal with.
Should men lie about their age?
If we’re talking about a few years, then the truth is that there’s really no need. Most women have more flexible when it comes to age than men do, as long as it’s just a few years up or down. But if you thinking of saying that you’re a decade younger — then I say NO WAY. It probably won’t work in any case, and even if it does get you a first date, you’ll have to live with the fact that you are the most evil, despicable low life sleaze bag loser in the universe. And she WILL find out. Is that clear??
Online Dating Age Dilemma
Online dating introduces another factor that makes this issue much more difficult to navigate: the search. Most online dating sites (probably all) give you the option of searching by age range, and the ranges are already determined by the site. So, for example, the range might be 36 to 44 which means that if you’re 45 you’ll be excluded from the search results. Is there really a difference between 44 and 45? Of course not. But the search engine thinks there is, so you’re out of luck.
The dating sites can try to alleviate this problem by either expanding the range or letting the user insert their own range. Many have already done so, but the chance of arbitrary age discrimination remains.
So, can you lie about your age to beat the search engines and get into the search results you feel you need to be in?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say something radical (at least for me it is).
Lying is fundamentally wrong, especially when it’s used to delude another person. But here goes…I’m going to cut you the tiniest bit of slack. If you find yourself on the cusp of an age range, I don’t see the harm of rounding down to the lower year. That means if you are 45 you can say you’re 44 to get included in the 36-44 results. You CANNOT fudge more than one year…that means if you’re already 46, you can’t become 44 anymore.
And there’s one more condition which I insist upon: when you meet the person you must tell them your real age. You don’t want to start a relationship off with a lie.
Have you ever lied about your age? Have you been lied to?
Please share in the comments are below.