For single Jewish men in their late thirties and forties, these are the best of times and the worst of times. We’ve all seen men in their late thirties or forties marry women who seem, by all conventional standards, to be out of their league.
There are two possible reasons for this:
1. The whole idea of rating someone based on superficial criteria to determine who they should be dating and who is out of their league is just plain wrong. Who the heck are you to rate someone else? Furthermore, it negates the role that love plays in the formation of relationship…and as you all know – “love is blind” (or at least a little visually challenged). The person whom you consider to be a monster might actually be a real treasure deep down in side.
2. There is such a dearth of eligible Jewish bachelors serious about marriage that some women are willing to take what they can get in order to get married and build a family.
I think the real answer lies somewhere in between.
But I strongly believe that a single Jewish guy in his late 30’s or 40’s can succeed in getting a woman whom he would never have even dared to dream he could get if he can fulfill these two basic conditions:
1) Don’t be a Jerk, Moron or Creep.
2) Prove Stability
Don’t be a Jerk, Moron or Creep.
I’m not going to waste your time explaining this. The women readers need no explanation. The guys who need to know are clueless to that fact, so it doesn’t really matter. But for those guys who might be willing to listen, here’s a basic rule of thumb: if you sincerely want to be in a relationship and you’re fulfilling the stability requirement, but you can’t get a date (or a second date), you’re probably guilty of being a Jerk, Moron or Creep. Guilty!
While some women do want a man earning the big bucks, most just want a man who exudes stability. He doesn’t have to be a member of the Forbes 400, but he does have to be in a steady career job or career path and have at least the potential of successfully supporting or contributing to the support of a 21st century Jewish family.
I wrote about this issue in a previous post about finance and relationships. But now I want to press this point to the men who this might apply to. You’ve really got the odds stacked in your favor. The women are pretty much banging down your door (not because you’re so great but rather because their pool is so limited and their competition so fierce). You can hit the jackpot IF you follow the two rules I’ve laid out for you.
If you’re a guy in your late 30’s or beyond and you can’t prove stability either because you’ve got a non career path type of “getting by” job or because you’re working on what you consider to be brilliant entrepreneurial schemes that never make any money, you MUST do this: get a real job with a future. I don’t give career advice, so I can’t help you with detailed instructions on how to accomplish that. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s also not as hard as you might think.
When you have that job and stable looking life (that means you’re probably not sharing a basement hole in the boroughs with three roommates) I’m pretty certain that your dating fortunes will drastically change for the better.
If you choose to continue in your comfortable, carefree (and date-free) ways, you’ll just continue to get older and less eligible and slowly fade away into the shadows of the never got the hint old bachelor pool of perpetual reminiscers of what could have been.
WARNING: Just because you’ve got a good job and aren’t a jerk, moron or creep does NOT mean that you will be able to date any woman you choose. You still need to be realistic and manage your expectations. Seriously, it’s still you we’re talking about. But your prospects will be much brighter than before and who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised.