Some women in their mid 30’s and above complain that men in their age bracket only want to date women much younger than them. How much is “much younger”? That depends on how old the man is. For men in their early 30’s it might be five years. For men in their forties it might be ten.
The complaint is totally valid. There are plenty of women in their late 30’s and early 40’s who can’t get a date with a man less than 50 because all the 40’s men are searching for women in their early to mid 30’s. They’ll even “settle” for a 28 or 29 yr. old! I recently met with a woman who just turned 31 who was scared that she wouldn’t be able to date guys in their mid 30’s because she was too old. Unfortunately, she’s not an exception.
To say that this dating ageism applies to all men is wrong. But once you break the 35 barrier it get a lot more prevalent. The reasons for this ageism are well know:
1. Younger women have more childbearing potential.
2. Younger women are less demanding and have less expectations.
3. Younger women are less jaded by the dating process.
We all know that these are obviously gross generalizations indiscriminately applied to a whole segment of the population. It’s wrong, no question about it. But is there a way to stop this age discrimination and compel men to date women closer to their own age (or older)?
The author of an article in The Atlantic entitled What If Men Stopped Chasing Much-Younger Women? attempts to convince men to date their age like so,
I’m not proposing that we shame every age-disparate couple. I am proposing that we challenge heterosexual middle-aged men to direct their sexual and romantic energies to their female peers. Everyone—older men, younger men, older women, younger women—will reap the paradigm-shifting benefits.
Certain rabbis have suggested that men date women one or two years older than them, although the men he’s advising are basically all in their very early 20’s.
Although I agree with the premise that men should not disqualify women solely based on age, I disagree with the idea of “challenging” or forcing them to do so. It just doesn’t work. You can’t force a man (or anyone) to date someone he doesn’t want to, even if his reasons are messed up. You can’t expect a man to “take one for the team” and date an older woman if he doesn’t want to. So challenging, convincing, or legislating men to mend their ways is just a big waste of time. Complaining won’t help change the situation either.
So how do women get men their own age to date them? By being the best they can be. Stop complaining and start attracting men with your charm, intelligence, positivity, energy, and yes, appearance. And make sure not to reject good prospects for the wrong reasons. The competition is tough, but I’ve seen plenty of “older” women get their man. You can too.