The Magic Secret to Finding Your Perfect Partner

I just got a very sincere email from a female reader asking, “Can you make some practical, positive, proactive suggestions for women who want to meet a man who is secure, wants to move forward in his life and is easy going?” I kinda thought I was doing that in every one of my blog posts, but maybe I’m wrong? Maybe my advice hasn’t worked?

I’m reminded of a story that a female friend of mine told me about an encounter she had in the elevator of a local synagogue soon after announcing her engagement. She had met her fiance on Two woman “accosted” her in the elevator and begged, or demanded, to know what exactly she had done with her profile so that they could do the same and meet their basherts. She must have done something, some magic solution or secret formula, to have succeeded where so many have not (yet). It couldn’t have just happened naturally.

Everyone is looking for that magic pill, that secret solution, that will end their frustrating search and bring them to that coveted spot beneath the chupah. Well, here it is…yup, you guessed it: THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL OR SECRET FORMULA. I wish I had one and if I did, I would gladly share it.

Finding your bashert is a combination of hard work and determination…and Mazal. But out of respect for the reader who took the time to ask me the question in all sincerity, I’ve compiled some tips which I realize I’ve written before on many occasions, but it can’t hurt to hear them again.

1. If you want to “meet a man (or woman) who is secure, wants to move forward in life and is easy going” then you need to be secure, easy going, and want to move forward in life. Does that make sense? I doubt that the secure, put together, relaxed guy is searching for a high strung, neurotic, and insecure woman to share his life with. So make sure you have all the great characteristics that you’re searching for in a partner.

2. Network your “rear end” off. Stop relying solely on online dating sites. They should be a part of your dating tool chest, but not your only tool. Meet as many people as you can and let them know that you’re looking and who you’re looking for. Make a great impression on each one of them so that they will remember you favorably and want to help you. You never know who’s going to know someone who happens to be a good match for you. It might be a married friend, a single buddy, the rabbi of your shul, your doctor, the mailman, etc. Facebook is an awesome networking tool. I met my wife on it.

3. Do your research. Find out where the men or women you are looking to meet hang out. That’s where you should be. It might be online or in the physical world. It might be a party, charity event, lecture, sporting event, anything. It’s up to YOU to do the research and determine where you should be and when. Use Google, Facebook, LinkedIn. Ask your friends. Be a detective. If you email me to ask where to meet someone, you’re being lazy. Get off your pillow and get to work.

4. Get your expectations in order. Get real. Rewrite your list. It shouldn’t have more than 5 items, preferably 3. If you can’t do this, my rates are here.

5. If you choose to work with a matchmaker, pay them and demand results. No, it’s not wrong to expect a matchmaker to want to be paid for their services. If you expect them to put in the time and effort to help you find your mate, why shouldn’t you pay them? Seriously, how much time is a volunteer matchmaker with several kids to take care of really going to be able to dedicate to you, and the 50 other singles they’re trying to help. It’s just a matter of mathematics. If that’s good enough for you, then great. But if your goal right now is to get married asap, put your money where your mouth is. Then you’ll have every right to demand results and if you don’t get them, find someone who’ll get the job done to your satisfaction.

6. Read my posts. Come see me. Yes, it will cost you a little but you will get results. Hey, it’s your call.

7. If whatever it is you’ve been doing for several years isn’t working, be ready to make changes. Don’t just continue doing the same thing over and over. Don’t be like that fly that keeps trying to get out the window and banging into the glass. Change course and set yourself free.

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