True Love Can Come When You Least Expect It
During a rare solo shopping outing (wife was watching the kids for a change!) I ran into a woman I hadn’t seen for a very long time…and she told me she was engaged! And she had a diamond ring to back up her claim.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. She’s an attractive, intelligent, personable and successful 30 something woman who’s got her act together and very much wanted to be married. But unfortunately, there are so many of those women who remain single for what seems to be forever with some never reaching their matrimonial goal, that I was … pleasantly surprised.
“How did you meet,” I asked? It turns out that her sister, who recently married and moved out to LA, knew someone out there who had a brother in London. Luckily our bride to be happened to be heading to London on business and yada yada yada, they got engaged. She’ll be moving to London after the wedding.
But here’s the most interesting part of the story. “He didn’t play any games,” she said. “He was totally serious and focused the whole way.” Having spent years dating in NY, that was a pleasant surprise for her. No drama. No stress. Simple.
You gotta love this story, but what can we learn from it?
1. You really never know where love is going to come from. That’s why you have to keep on plugging away at networking and dating, as annoying and frustrated as it might be. It would have been totally reasonable to say, “London? Too far. No way. I’m not moving. I want someone local, or at least on this side of the Atlantic.” But she kept an open mind and gave love a chance. Would you really choose location over love?
2. When a guy is ready to get married, he does. Don’t take this point lightly. Someone once compared compared guys to taxi cabs. When the “available” sign goes on, it picks up the first person who waves it down. Ok, it’s not a perfect analogy, but it’s pretty darn close.
This British fellow was ready. When he met a woman who he felt was right for him he closed the deal asap. No drama needed. He was ready, she was willing, mazal tov! Yes, it can be that simple.
3. Don’t ever give up hope. I know I sort of already said this in #1, but it’s really important. It’s so easy to get frustrated with the dating process…and for good reason. But don’t. Keep on trying and working and meeting and dating and most importantly, keep an open mind…you really do never know when and where you’ll find love.
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Another important take-away – be willing to move! And, if you are willing to move, you should also be willing to travel to date, especially after the guy has travelled once or twice to you.
Men who are not in NY are often looking for a woman willing to move to them, and there are some quality, serious men living in cities with fewer singles. If you are not sure whether you are willing to leave, soul search until you are sure but never lead on a guy to believe you will move when you won’t. To me it was simple to decide between living in NY (where I had a good job, great friends, community service, Jewish opportunities, outdoor activities, shows, etc.) and my life goal of being a great wife and Mom.
My awesome husband worked in FL and said that before me he had long-distance dated many NY women who said they would be willing to move but wouldn’t even fly to FL for a 2nd or 3rd date. After a month of good phone conversations at the end of a reasonably good first date (he flew up to NY for a day), I spur-of-the-moment offered to fly to FL to visit him. I ended up going down to FL much more than he came to NY since I had more job flexibility. He asked for my father’s blessing and proposed on the beginning of the 6th date / trip, less than 4 months after our first date. The hundreds of dollars I spent on flights were some of the best money I ever spent.
Too bad for the women not willing to leave the NY, lucky for me! We have so far enjoyed two wonderful years of marriage and have a beautiful son!
Jennifer
Thank you Jen for that awesome comment!