301 – Why Didn’t You Get A Second Date?

No Second DateRejection is part of the dating process. It happens to everyone. No one is exempt, not even the models out there. Why do you get rejected? The only way to know for sure is to hear the rejecting person’s reasons. That rarely happens. To be accurate, you usually do get a reason, but it’s almost never the truth. No guy or girl is going to tell you to your face that they were repulsed by you, would rather have jumped out a window than continue to listen to another boring word come out of your mouth, or felt nauseous from your subtle but deadly odor. Instead you’ll probably hear something like, “there just wasn’t any chemistry”, or “I just didn’t feel like we connected fully”. You can make up the rest of the excuses. In fact, why not have some fun and write some of them below in the comments section?

So why didn’t you get a second date when you thought that the first date went relatively well, maybe even very well? What did you do wrong? Probably nothing. Ever hear the infamous phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me”? Even though it sounds like a nice way to hide the real, sinister, reason, it’s usually the plain simple truth. In most cases it’s really not you. The fact that this other person who you spent a pleasant evening with doesn’t want to spend another with you usually has absolutely nothing to do with you. There’s nothing wrong with you and you didn’t do anything wrong or stupid. It’s them. For whatever reason (which is frankly none of your business), they’ve decided that they just don’t want to see you again, period. Maybe you don’t fit their image of perfect beauty or maybe you’re too attractive or smart or personable and they just can’t handle it? It could be anything, and at the end of the day, it just doesn’t matter because, “it’s not you, it’s them”.

Feel better? Not so fast. Sometimes the reason why you didn’t get a second date is totally your fault, and if you had done things differently, you’d be getting that second date. Here are some possibilities:

    • You were disrespectful of the date

You came to the date in sweatpants and a tee shirt. Unless you were planning to paint your local homeless shelter (which might be an interesting date idea) or you look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt, you’ve come across as being totally disrespectful of your date and the whole dating process, and you’ll probably not get that second date. There’s one exception: if your date has extremely low self esteem or no self respect, then you might get the second date…is that really how you want it to go down?

    • You were rude (or crude)

Yes manners do still matter to most people, so if you’re impolite, insulting, foul mouthed, crass, or just plain rude, you can probably kiss that second date goodbye, along with your reputation.

  • You talked the entire time


You talked the entire time without giving your date the chance to get in a word edgewise. You didn’t ask your date any questions to show that you were genuinely interested. You just yapped yapped yapped. You must have had an amazing time listening to yourself. Your date probably didn’t. Don’t you know that people love listening to their own voice and if you give them that opportunity, they will feel like they had a great conversation with you? (Check out Dale Carnegie’s, How To Win Friends and Influence People)


  • You flirted with other people


What’s wrong with a little harmless flirting? It’s plain rude and insulting to your date. Do I really need to explain? Use your judgment, or better yet, just don’t do it.


  • You made and took personal calls and texted throughout the date


This is pretty self explanatory too.

I could go on and on listing things NOT to do on your date (you can add more in the comments section), but I think you get the picture. You can’t fundamentally change how you look, what you do, or your personality and if someone doesn’t like what you have to offer enough to go out on a second date, then it’s their loss. Don’t sweat it, and move on to bigger and better things.
You CAN change how you act on a date. Is the reason you’re not getting second dates because of what you do, or don’t do, on dates? Think about it.

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  1. […] from women reluctant to go on second dates with guys, so although I’ve touched on the issue previously, I feel it’s important enough to deal with again in greater length. The complaint goes […]

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