If It Walks and Talks Like A Date, Is It a Date?

Let’s play a new little game I just made up called, Date or No Date. I’ll give you a scenario and you tell me if it’s a date or just a plutonic meet up.

1. Carla get’s a call on Saturday night from a guy she flirts with on a pretty regular basis but who has never asked her out. He says that he just won a pair of tickets to a performance in Central Park, and couldn’t think of anyone he’d want to go with more. Carla says sure. He buys her refreshments, walks her home, great conversation, lots of laughs, charming. See ya ’round. Hmmm. Date or no Date?

You might assume that the scenarios for our game only go one way, with the male being the ambiguos party. While you should be correct, since the guy is almost always the one who is supposed to do the asking out, it could still qualify for the game, as follows.

2. Jonathan has a huge crush on Melissa. He gets all gaga whenever he’s around her in social situations, and has “popped the (date) question”, so to speak, on several occasions but to his chagrin Melissa always finds a nice way to say no thanks, but I really enjoy your company. Sounds like the friend zone, right? Well, one Sunday morning Jonathan decides to roll the dice again (what’s there to lose?), calls Melissa, and asks her to go to a movie (that he knows she really wants to see) with him later that night. To his surprise (and joy), she says yes! Hmm…has Melissa had a change of heart? Did he happen to catch her at a really vulnerable moment? Or does she just want to see the movie, so why not do it with her guy pal whose company she so enjoys?

He picks her up and pays for the movie and popcorn. After the movie she says she’d love to grab a drink and hang out, but she’s not feeling great, so he takes her home, paying for the cab, of course. Jonathan isn’t sure, was it a Date or No Date?

Have you figured out the answers yet? The truth is, it doesn’t really matter. The fact that the question Date or No Date even exists is the real problem. How messed up is the social scene when you can’t even figure out if the person asking to spend time with you is interested in starting a relationship or just a plutonic friendship to carry them through until they meet the right one?

Here’s my suggestion. Let’s all decide together that from now on, whenever we feel like we’re a contestant on Date or No Date, we stop playing and come straight out and ask the person, is this a Date or No Date? What are you afraid of? They’re either interested and serious about building a relationship, or they aren’t. You have the right to know up front. And if they can’t answer your question, just hang up the phone a watch TV. It’s safer.

So next time you get a call on a Saturday night to hang out, please do yourself a huge favor and ask, Date or No Date?

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