If you’ve been reading my posts over the past couple of years you know I’ve spent a heck of a lot of pages preaching about the importance of appearance and first impressions. I’ve told you to exercise, slim down, dress well, and generally put yourself together to have a shot at attracting members of the opposite sex.
I’m not retracting any of it. It’s all important. But there’s one thing that’s more important than all of that stuff. Without it you can be the most beautiful woman on earth and you will still remain frustratingly single in search of a mate. Drum Roll please…
The most important element in the equation that results in you being part of a happy relationship is…a man who is available. Sounds obvious, but in the real world of modern day dating, it isn’t. A large percentage of the single men you think you’ll be happy with are available for having fun, but not for a committed relationship. There’s much too much going on out there to settle into a monogamous relationship.
I work with some really super hot women who have absolutely nothing to improve upon in the appearance department. They desperately want to be in a relationship and they’re surprisingly flexible with their screening criteria. And yet, they remain single. They meet plenty of men who ask them out. But after one or two dates it’s clear that these guys aren’t looking for a relationship. They’re looking for a fun, carefree, fling that they can enjoy and discard when finished. They are counted as part of the dating pool, but they’re just in it for a casual swim. These are the guys rushing to the Hamptons every weekend in search of half drunk, bouncing 20 something bikini clad bodies auditioning for the next big Girls Gone Wild video.
If he can’t go out with you now because he’s going to the Hamptons, he’s not available for a relationship.
If he needs to go to parties with his buddies instead of dating YOU, he’s unavailable. Move on.
If he wants to be physically intimate with you before you’ve dated long enough to form a committed relationship, and loses interest in you when you refuse, he’s unavailable. Move on.
If he’s not interested in actually dating you (that means calling you a few days in advance to make plans, taking you out, and paying), then he’s unavailable. Move on.
I talk a lot more about this in my upcoming book which should be release in a couple of months (or sooner). More about the book in coming posts.
It doesn’t matter how great you look and how put together you are, you must find a guy who is available for a relationship. The wrong guys usually tell you that they’re not in it for the long haul, but sometimes you need to read between the lines and follow your instincts to get their message.
What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Please share this post and follow Jcoach on Facebook and Twitter for more dating and relationship tips and advice. You can also download your FREE E-Book – The Jcoach Guide to a Winning Online Dating Profile – on the sidebar.