Transportation and Dating: Chivalry or Common Sense?

I’ve got a long list of topics waiting to be explored and expounded upon via my Macbook keyboard, but I never thought this would be one of them. I, and most of the guys I journeyed through singlehood with (which wasn’t that long ago), regarded making sure the girl got home safely after a date as an intuitive and integral part of the dating process. Besides being a component of an ancient male code of honor and machismo called chivalry, it was just plain common sense. It’s the man’s responsibility to see to it that the woman he has asked to meet gets home safely. If this concept sounds strange, you are probably either a member of a tiny group of extremist women’s libers or a lazy, socially challenged, egotistical, spineless, jerky, embarrassment to the generally chivalrous male community.

Let me state the rule clearly to avoid confusion: It is the man’s responsibility to make sure his date gets home safely. Are there any exceptions to the rule? Not really. Of course, the woman can reject his chivalrous offer and choose to fend for herself, but the man must make the offer and put up at least a bit of a fuss to try and change her mind.

Let’s examine a couple of stories I heard recently to clarify the topic at hand. The details aren’t important. Here are the facts: seemingly nice sweet guy, mid-40’s, successful doctor, drives into the city to meet his blind date (yes, I set them up). That the girl was attractive and nice is irrelevant…but she was. They meet at a cafe in a part of Midtown slightly off the grid…not the greatest neighborhood (if you get my drift). At the end of date he asks her how she’s getting home. She says she’s not sure. “I guess I’ll take a cab?” He bids her farewell, gets into his car, and drives off to meet friends for dinner! Do I really need to explain what went wrong here?

The crazy thing about this is that he actually called her to ask her out again! She said no, for obvious reasons which I can’t argue with. I’m assuming that this guy wasn’t being malicious or premeditated in his rudeness. He just was clueless as to his responsibility as a man and a mensch. He is clueless to the fact that she ended up waiting for a half an hour in a crappy neighborhood because there were no cabs around until a livery cab pulled over and asked her to get in for her own safety. It’s sad.

Here’s another one which I’ll just quote straight from the email I got from the girl:

My last date was like how are u getting home…my first date in 7 months…I was like in not sure…he was like ok I have to run…and I took a cab, lol.

I happened to personally know this girl and she’s very attractive and super sweet. Was the guy just the biggest jerk in the universe or just the dumbest?

So, here are some guidelines for the guys out there who haven’t figured it out for themselves yet:

1) If the date is within walking distance of her home (that means a few blocks, not a few miles), you must offer to walk her home. If she refuses, offer again. If she is adamant about walking herself, you’re off the hook. If she doesn’t want to walk home because it’s too far or she’s exhausted, then you must take her home by cab.

2) If you have a car, you MUST take her home.

3) If she needs a cab to get back home, you must take her home in a cab. If you live in the opposite direction and aren’t really interested in spending any more time with her, you must offer to pay for her cab ride. If she refuses, offer again. If she’s adamant, you’re off the hook.

4) I think it’s ok to take the subway as long as you are with her the entire time, from start to finish (and it’s not a dangerous route).

5) Whether you are or are not interested in seeing her again is IRRELEVANT. You’re responsibility remains.

Here’s a nice story to end off on a high. Guy and girl go out on date way downtown. Guy lives in Midtown, girl on UWS. They take cab together uptown which she demands to pay for (since he paid for everything else). He gets out at his stop, says goodbye, turns to the cabbie, hands him $25 and asks him to take her to her destination. Thank you for saving the reputation of the real men out here.

Chivalry is not dead!!

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5 replies
  1. Sola
    Sola says:

    I agree with your core message, and I enjoyed reading the post. I thought the last story was too ambiguous to be lauded so unequivocally. If he paid for the date, and she “demanded” to pay for the cab, isn’t it a little disrespectful to go over her head/behind her back and invalidate her desire to contribute financially to the date?

    Chivalry isn’t just about ensuring a woman’s physical and financial safety, it’s also about respecting her independence and choices.

    Reply

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