I always feel bad for those people who list their Facebook relationship status as “complicated”. I assume they’re experiencing lots of frustration and pain in complicated relationships. I’ve been there myself. I’m sure many of you have too. So why stay in a relationship that you can only describe as “complicated”? No one is forcing you to. The choice is yours.
Sure, I make it sound so simple when, in fact, it’s really complicated. No, I know it’s not simple and I fully agree that it probably is extremely complicated. What I’m trying to say is that the only thing you’ll probably end up with from this complicated relationship is heartache, frustration, and lots of therapy bills. Complicated relationships waste a lot of precious time and usually don’t end well. I’ve seen people lose months, sometimes even years, to those complicated relationships which they never really do get totally over. Many of the people I meet with are still suffering the effects of complicated relationships that ended years ago.
I’ll admit, once you’re involved in a complicated relationship, it’s very hard to extricate yourself. It’s like trying to break an addiction. So the trick is to avoid getting involved in them in the first place. How do you know if you’re on the path to complication? There’s no foolproof way to know, but if you want to be really sure, take my advice: Follow the path of least resistance.
Let me explain by personal example. Before I decided to move to Israel for a few months as part of my plan to find my soulmate, I contacted two women there who I was interested in dating. I had known one of them as a casual acquaintance for many years and I had always been interested in dating her, but I guess the timing was just never right. When I told her I had decided to move she finally agreed to date me when I arrived. I was excited about dating her and felt that, since we already knew each other a bit and it was still about a month and a half until I would move, it made sense for us to email and speak on the phone in the meantime. That would give us over a month to develop our relationship, which we could then continue in person. She felt that we should not communicate until we actually went out in person. The other woman I contacted, whom I had never met, was happy to communicate and start the process immediately.
So what did I do? I took the path of least resistance and got to know the second woman. A day after arriving in Israel we went out on a date. We got married eleven months later. I never did end up going out with the first woman. Of course everything worked out the way it was supposed to, but it’s still worth analyzing and learning from the experience. The fact that the first woman wasn’t interested in actively pursuing a relationship (long distance) despite the fact that we already knew each other didn’t make sense to me. It gave me the impression that she wasn’t 100% interested, and that I might be getting myself into a “complicated” situation, so I passed and chose to build something with someone who seemed interested without reservations.
I wonder how many of you out there are busy chasing or pining after someone who is just not that into you, while passing up great guys and gals that are clearly interested in you? Do you want to find your soulmate, or do you want to be in a complicated relationship?
Here’s my advice. Take a good hard look at those potentials who you know are interested in you but whom you continue to write-off as “just friends”, and think about how nice, easy, and non-complicated it would be to be with someone who really wants to be with you. You might be surprised at what you see. No, I’m not telling you to give up and settle for the first guy or gal that shows interest. What I’m saying is that instead of struggling with someone who wears a big sign with giant red letters that says “complicated” (as challenging as it might feel), give yourself a break and find someone who thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them.
Try it. It can’t hurt. You might even end up happy.
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