How NOT to Communicate in a Relationship
Communication is Vital in Relationships
Proper communication is so important that many relationships get derailed as a result of miscommunication. She said or did this, he said or did that, and the next thing you know, you’re sitting alone in your room scanning online profiles and wondering how you could have ever fallen for someone so unreasonable or insensitive.
This sort of relationship ruin as a result of communication blunders can happen at any relationship stage, from first date through marriage. The setting and players are different, but the reason behind the inevitable fallout is the same. Men and women speak different languages. They think and express their feelings in different ways. They have different needs and different expectations. If you’re unaware of these differences, you’ll constantly find yourself frustrated, confused, and hopelessly clueless. What you think is good will be bad, right will be wrong, complements will be insults, and humor will be mockery.
Here are some examples of how miscommunication can ruin a relationship:
Example 1 – Flowers
Women love getting flowers from their guy. It shows them that he thinks she’s special. Guys don’t usually get the whole flower concept. That’s because no normal guy ever wants to get flowers from anyone in any situation. In the average guy’s mind, buying flowers is just a waste of money.
The only way a guy will know to bring a gal flowers is if someone tells him to. If he’s got sisters or female friends, or he saw his dad do it for his mom, then he might get the message. If not, then unless you tell him how important it is to you, he probably won’t figure it out on his own. If he doesn’t, you must realize that it’s not that he doesn’t like you or care about you, it’s just that he doesn’t speak your language.
Unless you clearly communicate your need for getting an occasional bouquet from your beloved, you’ll be setting the groundwork for a relationship failure due to miscommunication.
Example 2 – Showing Interest
Women like (need) to see that their guy is interested in them, all the time. It doesn’t matter where this need stems from. It’s just there. Guys don’t always realize this. That’s why they don’t call their gal several times a day just to hear her voice, or they don’t feel the need to go too out of their way to accommodate them (unless of course the guy is still in the midst of his pursuit of the gal, in which case he will do whatever it takes to win her over).
Women interpret this male behavior as lack of interest and caring, and they assume that the guy will make a rotten husband. In some cases they might be right, but in most, they are just not speaking the same language as their man. He does like you and care about you. He just doesn’t express it the same way you do.
The only solution to this potential relationship destroyer is to openly communicate your needs and to understand that your man isn’t necessarily seeing things the way you are. You’ll need to arrive at a mutual understanding so that you can get what you need while not forcing your guy into acting in a way that he feels is to unnatural for him.
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Example 3 – Just Looking
Just because a guy looks at other women or complements them doesn’t mean he’s interested in having an affair with them.
Having said that, I have a special message for the guys, so listen very closely: DON’T EVER LOOK AT, or COMPLEMENT ANOTHER GAL while in the presence of your gal.
Don’t do it. Please trust me on this. Just don’t.
Now that you’ve taken that to heart, be aware that your gal might try to test you on it.
Here’s a scenario (based on a true story): You’re walking along in Central Park with your gal on a sunny Sunday afternoon when you pass one of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover models. Your girlfriend (or wife) turns to you and casually remarks, “she’s so beautiful, isn’t she?” You innocently respond, “yeah”, and with that single word banish yourself to the doghouse for an unknown time period and open yourself up to an endless stream of questions, remarks, and comments that you’ll find extremely difficult to navigate.
Men – the correct answer to your ladies entrapment question is either, “I didn’t really notice” or “she’s not really my type”. Yes it’s a lie, but a worthy one that will cause blessings and praises to rain down upon you.
Example 4 – No Talking
Ladies, sometimes guys just don’t want to talk. They just want to stare at a TV screen or immerse themselves in something that is only interesting to the male species. If you try to talk to them about stuff that you think is interesting during those male moments, they won’t hear you.
Don’t read anything into this. It doesn’t mean anything about you or your relationship. You have two choices. You can either do your own thing away from your guy or join him as a silent observer. But don’t force him to engage in a conversation and then get mad at him when he doesn’t, at least not how you’d like him to.
The examples I’ve given you here are just a tiny sample of thousands of potential opportunities for miscommunication between men and women in relationships. Although it’s nearly impossible to never mess up, if you’re sensitive to the differences in how men and women think, you will be much more successful in your relationships.
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